Need advice from other mums! Am I overreacting?? Being a helicopter mum?

I’m going away for a night to support my sister during a court case that’s quite traumatic for her so I can’t miss it.

My boyfriend is taking care of our 7 month old. This is my first time leaving her alone for the night, my issue is my boyfriend fall sleep asleep when looking after her at night. He doesn’t do safe sleep and I walked in the room yesterday and she was wide awake kicking her legs and he was sleeping because I asked him to take over doing a night feed. He insists he wasn’t sleeping even though I literally had to wake him up to tell him he was sleeping and I was annoyed because she was close enough to the edge that if she rolled she would of be straight off the edge and she’s a roller! he said I was crazy getting so paranoid and he wasn’t asleep. We have an owlet and we’ve already had issues with that because when she was newborn he fell asleep with her on her chest and the alarm went off because she fell in between his arms and he was asleep but I don’t even trust him waking up to that alarm he’s a really deep sleeper. Thank god for the owlet!

I’m really stressed because I don’t want to leave her but I cannot not support my sister in this case it’s been so hard for her. Am I being a helicopter mum and over reacting? This is no judgment on co sleeping btw if he wanted to co sleep fine but he’s not done ANY research on it and the fact she on the edge of the bed makes me thing he doesn’t care. If I speak about it to him he gets really mad at me and just calls me crazy basically and says he wasn’t sleeping? So even when we talk I don’t get anywhere? I’m at a loss bc I can’t tell if I’m just being reasonable or being crazy would you leave your baby knowing this?

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I don’t think your over reacting at all I would feel the same. I asked my partner to listen to all the research I’ve done (or do some) for my own peace of mind. He should want to make you feel safe going away and leaving your child with her dad.
If he doesn’t want to practice safe sleep tell him the baby will have to be in the cot so she’s safe if he can’t wake up.
My partner is a very deep sleeper but when it’s just him and baby he does wake up easier xx

I don’t think you’re over reacting, in have a similar issue where my hubby doesn’t always take safe sleep seriously.

I recorded him asleep then when I woke him and he said he wasn’t asleep I showed him the video. I made him read the lullaby trust guidance. But the casual attitude to safe sleeping gets to me.

One thing I saw on peanut stuck with me. There was a thread where some mums were talking about cosleeping, and someone who worked in a hospital came in and said something like if you ask saw the blue babies that come in to the hospital and often die you wouldn’t be so casual about this.

That post had stayed with me and fortified me if I ever think about doing anything less than the am safest sleep option.

So can you record your bf or do something to get him to take it more seriously? Or get someone else to come and do the night shift? X

You’re definitely not being crazy. I don’t know if you have any other options but from what you’ve described I wouldn’t be leaving my baby overnight with him.

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