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February 2026 Babies 🇬🇧

Am I in the wrong…

Bear with me as this is lengthy.

My mum and I are not close at all for many reasons. We do not have a good relationship and she has taught me how I don’t want to be as a parent. Since having children she has made an effort to drive to me to see them, shes about 45 mins away from me.

I have a nearly 3 year old and a 13 week old. My eldest goes to rugby on a Monday and I have asked if she could come and look after the 13 week old. He usually has a nap around 8/8.30 for 45 mins or so on his own but this morning he wouldn’t settle on his own due to wind. To say he’s only 13 weeks, anytime he naps alone is brilliant in my opinion. I was leaving around 9 and said to her ‘he isn’t settling. Please can you just pick him up and hold him’ she said that she had him, to go and not worry he’d be fine.

We get to rugby and I check the baby monitor and he’s wide awake. So I message and tell her, he’s awake please can she just go and hold him. She replies ‘ I know he’s chatting away, I’ll try again’. I go back on the camera and she’s just moving her hand over his face. Still in his next to me. 10 mins goes by and she STILL hasn’t picked him up. I message again saying that he’s 13 weeks old, just pick him up and hold him. At this point he’s so overtired he’s really crying and kicking off. I can see she’s bouncing him and trying to get him back to sleep. I go back on the camera about 10 minutes later and she’s sat on the bed with him on her knee on his front and then she turns him over and starts to put him back down in his next to me awake. I have to use the intercom to tell her to just pick him up and hold him. She does and takes him downstairs so I can’t see anything anymore.

We leave rugby and get home where she rushes out to see my eldest. I ask with the 13 week old is and she replies ‘he’s asleep in bed’ I look at the monitor where he’s wide awake and crying. I go and get him and I am furious. All I asked was her to do is hold him. She then goes on the defensive saying that he’s full of wind, there’s clearly something wrong with him and he’s not well (he’s on CMPA milk and carobel. He’s a gassy baby. Which I’ve told her so many times). She then said she didn’t realise I meant hold him the entire time and that she thought he’d go back to sleep. I told her I won’t be asking for her help ever again, she had children over 30 years ago. He is my child who I’ve been with the entire 13 weeks of his life. I told her to simply hold him and she couldn’t even do that as she didn’t listen. I didn’t think I’d have to explain to told him the entire time. There isn’t a grandparent I don’t know who wouldn’t just love to sit and hold their grandchild.

She says I have spoken to her horribly and she didn’t deserve that. She then puts the water works on and says she’s leaving.

Was I in the wrong with how I’ve spoken to her?