Hes wearing a ring and im not?
I dont know how I feel about this. Hes been trying to find good jobs mentioning he has a family and how they need to pay him more and respect his time. Which im okay with. I see the ring on his finger now that hes got a new job and it bothers me. Because of some things in the past that he hasn't taken responsibility for. I honestly dont think he knows what that is. Its because hes been comfortable. Uber driving for years. Living at his mother's house and doing his own thing. If I ask him to do something simple like put a few dollars in my tank he will refuse, he will belittle and its exhausting. The other day I was bent over and barely could walk because of my UTI. And i needed him to go to the pharmacy fpr me and pick up my daughter. When he called and saw i hadnt paid for it yet he was so shitty. And i ended up going to get the 18$ medication myself and told him i would pick up my daughter. Even though he saw i was hurt he slept like a baby even with a smile on his face. When he saw i was up all night and bothered. The first time he got me pregnant, it was terrible. He turned against me and tried to get everyone at work to as well and ended up making me quit my job when I had no money. The reason why he lashed out the way he did was because i told a coworker how he doesnt do anything at all and just lives with me. He would rather go get a plastic knife from the car then pick up a dish. He would rather me ask another man for money than ask him and he lied so much for such little and stupid things and never took accountability and would bring up all the things I ever confided in him and the relationship with my family against me to avoid the littlest amount of responsibility. He also kicked me out of his mother's house when I lost the apartment constantly making me live out of my car and still doesnt take responsibility for this.
So i was constantly being gaslighted and he ran away back to his mother's house in every argument. Money always seems to be a problem for us. Recently I cut him off for 3 weeks. He sent flowers said he would help out more and not make me feel like. Im asking for the world if I ask him to help me cut some lemons to i could make us fresh lemonade or to get something for me if im already sitting down. And ill say this hes been making progress. He will gets groceries and not act out in a bad way because he did something simple for me. Our disagreements have gotten a bit easier. He stays calm and doesnt scream and yell. But I need him to take actual accountability for putting me in constant unstable situations. And not coming up with excuses for his behavior. Im willing to go to couples therapy with him. We've been dating for a year. And I do think he'll propose. And has good intentions. Hes really good with our daughte rand theyve formed a bond. But we have some things to work out first.
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I’m sorry I wouldn’t want to get married, sounds like he loves to financially abuse you and he can do it better married. If he’s good with your daughter I’d split custody and start your own life and grinding to get away and save money. Sounds like he loves and always has to mistreat you. It’s been a year together and he acts like that? How old is he? Older than 25-28 he’s definitely set in his ways and not gonna change. There’s guys that won’t treat you bad for needing help period. I was a single mom and my man met me and immediately started helping me in every which way he could. We got married and he deposits his checks into my account so I never feel like I’m going without.
He sounds like his mom enables him to do crazy things to you as well I wouldn’t let him fall back on you especially when he doesn’t help out at all. Who’s to say he will propose because he might complain that’s too much money to spend on you. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this it sucks.
I honestly feel for you because I’ve been in a similar situation before, and it’s emotionally exhausting feeling like you’re carrying so much on your own while still trying to hold onto hope for things to get better. I don’t think your feelings are wrong at all. I’m glad you’re seeing some improvement, but I also hope you continue paying attention to consistency and protect your peace too. You deserve support, stability, and to feel genuinely cared for.
I would take it as a huge blessing that you’re not married to him and this is an insane amount of stuff to go through in a year. This is not a situation that I’d want to reconcile. When I’m reading it I’m thinking this must be over 7-10 years. His actions are superficial, you see the way he’s willing to treat you. Of course couples therapy would be an option but it’s not even something I would invest in or have hope in if all of these things transpired in a year. It can’t make him take accountability. Financial abuse is real and you will deal with a lifetime of not having your own stability. He will do little things to keep you now, like flowers even tho I would have set those flowers on fire. When you get married, he won’t, marriage doesn’t improve things at all. He’s already shown the partner he is and you will likely feel like you’re doing it by yourself even more.
As a married woman don’t marry him. In marriage problems are amplified not dissipated. You have to do and be for yourself and your kid(s). He sounds like a mamas boy. Let him be her problem. I pray you’re not too scared to be alone that you accept a love you don’t deserve.
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