I yelled at my 4 year old

I am still pregnant with my 1st so you can ignore me if you want, but this is what i would honestly try with mine:
If it's just once a month, could you spend the night with her? As in, sleep with her. It's better than being frustrated that you don't get the sleep (i also LOVE my sleep).
It could possibly set a bad habit of her doing this a bit more often, but the way i see it, they only do this while young. They will grow out of this at some point, and when they're grown, you might even miss the nights you've had together.
I think ignoring it is worse.

This was me!! I thought it wouldnt never end.. Oh lovely its not easy. Ive got 4 and i only had this problem with my 3rd. Hes nearly 4 and he kept waking up screaming "mum" tears down his face, full works. I started laying with him for a little bit on a night and eventually he grew out of it x

Is it like a nightmare? Why does she cry?

Tell her to go to bed we’re not doing any of that.

It helps me as a mama when I don’t know what to do, by putting myself in my son’s shoes and figuring out his needs.

Children at this age are incapable of expressing their needs properly due to their highly undeveloped pre frontal cortex. Her emotional brain was taking over and she was coming to you because you’re her home base/safe space. She is incapable of proper impulse control, reasoning, critical thinking, and emotional expression. This is why children at this age can benefit greatly from “neuron mirroring”. I use it with my son. When his emotional brain takes over, I’ll call him to me with open arms, hold him as embracefully as I can, so he can feel the weight holding him. Then I start at the level he’s at by saying “Ooooooh it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay” and gradually ground him and bring him back down to earth, while swaying him back and forth in my arms. Then when I can sense he’s calm, I’ll use that mirroring and hold both his hands, look in his eyes and help him breathe.

I don't usually comment on posts but felt the need to comment on this post. We have an almost three year old and soon to be newborn baby. Our nearly three year old has never slept through the night. During the day she is the most calm, empathetic and thoughtful little girl, she is very well behaved and very few tantrums (obviously the normal typical whining that happens with this age but that's developmentally appropriate). I too hate being woken from sleep and can feel that rage, but I also try to think of it from her point of view. At night it is dark, the house is quiet, little imaginations run wild. It's normal for children of this age to worry about monsters under the bed or just wanting reassurance that it's ok. As someone has said already. Their brains are underdeveloped and they need to borrow our calm to regulate themselves. This stage will not be forever, the more we can be there to support and reassure the more likely she will grow out of it and sleep completely independently.....

....from her point of view, you are the one who makes her feel safe and helps bring her back down. It will likely cause more anxiety for her when saying I won't be coming back in. She is learning from you that it's ok, your there when she needs her and she will start to feel the need not to seek you out because she knows no matter what you will come. We force children to sleep alone and become independent, but they don't have the skills or rational part of their brain fully developed, they are still learning. It is really infuriating and I must admit I'm worried with a newborn coming and her not sleeping through I will never sleep again lol, but I also want to teach her she can come to me no matter what and I will always be her safe space. It is possible she might be having a growth spurt or going through growing pains, nightmares, overstimulated during the day. Does she have a night light or anything? If your down to once a month this is pretty good and you must be doing something right

People make mistakes. I would say sorry to her and try to develop some ways to manage when you're feeling like that, e.g. breathing exercises etc so it doesn't become a repeated event. I think you would also benefit from your husband toughing it out with her. If you keep coming when she calls she will keep calling because it works! It will benefit your husband's relationship with her as well for them to work it out between themselves. Put headphones/earplugs in and leave him to deal with it. We do this and just reserve the right to swap out if it's too much, but that's up to the adult not the child. You're a team and should both be capable of settling her, there may be some tough nights but they will be worth it in the long term.

*Edit to add- I think a lot of people are missing the fact there was another parent on hand ...

She’s still so young and is obviously upset, maybe waking from a nightmare, afraid of the dark or being alone and wants some comfort to fall back asleep. It happens once a month. Couldn’t you stay with her until she fell back asleep, sleep in her room or let her sleep with you in bed? Try to figure out why you get so angry too and learn to regulate your own emotions. I don’t know if you are “cry it out” parents but that’s something I wouldn’t do.