Venting
I just hate my life right now and I feel so guilty about it.
I have a perfect little 6 week old baby girl. I also have an amazing 3 year old son.
But I just can't face being with either of them for any length of time, it feels like too much.
I find myself wishing my newborn would just nap all day, and wishing it was bedtime for my son.
I just wish the time away constantly because I get no time to myself. I don't get any time to relax, to do any hobbies, to watch TV.
Even if I do get a small stretch of time to do any of these things (usually in the evening after 3yo is in bed and newborn is napping) I'm still feeling so uptight because my baby could wake at any moment and then the cycle starts of trying to feed her, burp her, and keep her happy until she falls back asleep again, and getting her back to sleep is just getting harder and harder.
I just want to leave the house. Its nearly midnight and I haven't been out today, I haven't left the house properly for days now. I feel so claustrophobic.
My husband helps me immensely, he takes them both every morning so I can sleep until noon because I don't sleep at night. At all. Not a single minute. So I sleep from 6am - 12pm instead. He is so good with the kids, he doesn't need asked to do things for them like some dad's do, I know its bare minimum but I do feel lucky.
He's not at work at the moment so it's the 4 of us all day every day and I should be so grateful but I still just feel so overwhelmed and sad. I just want him to take the kids so I can run away. But I don't want to run away permanently. Idk, I just don't feel happy when I know I should be. I should be so happy, I have it so easy with my husband being off work, I know. But it doesn't feel like I get any more time to myself. I'm always needed for something and always managing something in the house.
Paternity test ruined our day
So am I the bad guy here? My husband has always questioned the paternity of one of our children (I know he's the father) but we never had the kids tested because we never have any money. I found a few tests on Amazon and bought one for each kid, which he wanted I thought but I bought them and let him know he was upset that we spent the money. We'll he's gone during the week for work so Saturday morning started out great, we had sex showered and started cooking breakfast together with the kids. Then I decided to start the test process and swabbed the kids checks before breakfast. This is when things go south. He started yelling at me to put the tests away. He went full meltdown and we had a shit day and he blamed me all day. Apparently he wanted to I talk before hand and come up with a plan, to do it together before bed and he had n explanation for the kids questions. But they didn't even ask any questions it was no big deal. So am I the asshole for "springing it on him" not planning it with him, or doing it his way, or is he over reacting to something HE wanted