I’m so done…
I feel like my partner doesn’t give a shit any more. I don’t think he loves me anymore.
He had to work today and was gone all day (I appreciate that he had a long and hard day but I bet he was able to go toilet on his own…) he got home just as I was putting our 15m old to bed ( dad reads bedtime stories ) but of course LO got very excited when he saw his dad and didn’t want to go to sleep. When he finished the bedtime story he left to go downstairs and LO had a meltdown. I tried to get him to sleep for about an hour. In that hour my partner decided it was a good idea to go outside and sit on the grass with our dog (bedroom windows are open due to the heat…) and of course the two times I almost had LO asleep the dog goes on a bark session. I messaged him in a fury to shut the dog up… he replied with a condescending “please”… which just made my blood boil. I messaged him (while still trying to get LO to sleep) saying LO is still up and explained how the dog ruined it twice and that I am fed up and mosquitoes are biting me because I have not been able to shower since yesterday morning… he went on telling me that it was only twice and he stopped him as quick as he could and that he is also sweaty…
I felt like he was just dismissing me. So when LO was finally asleep I went downstairs to clear up (partner is having a shower) he comes out and tells me he can do the clearing up but it’s half arsed so I just continue. I then tried to talk to him about how it made me feel angry that he didn’t think that maybe it would be a better idea to keep the dog inside where he won’t bark but he just told me that I need to relax and stop having a go at the dog and him… I tried to explain how hurt I was and I got really upset but he just kept watching tv like he was angry at me and I was the bitch… so I left and came upstairs and right now I’m crying in our bedroom in the dark while writing this… I don’t know what to do. Every time I bring up something that makes me feel crap he either goes on the defensive and denies it or says it’s not like that or tells me how I’m the problem and how I need to just relax.
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He probably comes home after a long day and feels attacked.. he hasn’t lived your day. He doesn’t live in your shoes.
You probably are overwhelmed, tired, overstimulated & need help when he comes home and you expect him to be able to see that but truthfully, men are just stupid and if they aren’t, they pretend they are.
I can 100% see both sides here.
Sounds like (when you’re both calm) you need to talk about what you both need & want from eachother from the moment he steps in the door and if you are both not willing to work at those things then seperate.
You’re a team. It takes a team. It also takes alot of communication.
Do you give him a kiss when he gets home and say hello? I stopped doing this with my partner cause I just wanted him to take our toddler while I was finishing 100 things & he voiced this to me and now I kiss him and say hello and he’s happier about walking through the door rather than having his child shoved in his face before he can even take a breath.
Girl, i totally feel you 💔 it's so unfair. First, you have the right to lose it, you are a mum of a baby that demands a lot. Your partner, ideally, should have the maturity to see that you are overwhelmed and support you- not punish you for having feelings and specially, making you feel alone. I see a lot of things there: the hot weather makes people get more reactive. The normal baby season that put both nerves on the surface. The lack of a good base of communication. The lack of emotional support from your partner.
I assume it's very hard for your partner to understand how hard it is motherhood in general and how draining it is to lose hours trying to put the baby to sleep. Above all, he's not seeing you, appreciating you or supporting you. And that, sucks.
Plus: staying at home with the baby it's waaaaaaaaaay harder and exhausting than spending the day out on work. When he arrives home, you should have a bit (at least) of "me time", ideally, give you some well deserve rest so you can show up relax as he so much request.
I agree with Sera here
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