Emotional Adjustment

Hi everyone,

I’m a first time mum and my baby was born 2 weeks ago. I absolutely adore her and feel so blessed to finally have our first baby after always wanting children, but emotionally and mentally I’m really struggling at the moment.

I can’t help but feel like I’m grieving my old life, which fills me with guilt because I love my daughter so much. I had quite a traumatic birth and ended up needing an emergency c-section, so I think I’m still processing and recovering from that too.

Because of the c-section I can’t drive for 6 weeks, and although my husband has been amazing and is helping so much, I still feel sad sometimes when he says he’s going for a run, playing tennis or seeing friends, while I feel quite isolated at home. I don’t think it’s helped that I haven’t really felt up to visitors yet either, but I’m going to slowly start planning visits with family and friends so I have some company and things to look forward to during the days.

Is it normal to feel like you’re grieving your old life after becoming a mum?
Does this feeling settle?
And is it normal to sometimes find yourself looking forward to the next stage, where your baby interacts and gives back a bit more?

Overall she’s actually been such a good baby, but since hitting 2 weeks she’s definitely crying more and we’re finding that really tough. The midwife and health visitor have reassured us that sometimes babies just cry even when they’re clean, fed, cuddled and winded, and that it’s completely normal, so we’re trying to remind ourselves of that when it feels overwhelming.

Would really appreciate any advice or reassurance from other parents 🤍

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Feeling like that is completely normal, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Having a baby is a massive life changing thing that you can’t really prepare for until you’re in it.
I felt the same after having my first too. I wanted to be spending all my time with him because I was completely head over heels in love with him, but did find myself envious sometimes when I saw other people going out or doing things without a care in the world. The feeling does settle after time. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your little one ❤️

Yeah I had similar feelings that started in my last 4 weeks of pregnancy.... having handed over all of my responsibilities at work and with my Girlguiding role then not being allowed to join some of the group activities with friends (can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want a 9-month pregnant woman doing axe throwing 😅), I found I missed getting to do lots of things especially watching others continue as usual! We're a month in now and the c-section recovery is much better (still frustrating not being able to drive) so I've even been enjoying just getting to clean the kitchen or do some laundry to feel productive without a tiny person being involved!
One thing that's been helping me most is scheduling in some time for my husband to take her so I can do things myself like 1 player board games, reading in the sunshine, short video calls with friends. Its not the same as before but getting time to yourself and finding recovery-friendly things helps loads - even a family drive for a mcflurry helps! Good luck!

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