Help at home??

I think this could be solved with conversation. In my house/marriage, he provides (his mom and younger brothers live with us and she does not contribute) and I take care of the kids + house. It works for us BUT it’s very controversial and most households don’t work like this. If he isn’t helping he should just not contribute to the mess seeing as you get it spotless and he leaves a big trail of mess for you to take care of. Have you guys talked about this?

A little of both imo. Like yes it’s technically one of your responsibilities but he can’t just act like a slob, you’re not a “maid” (not saying maids are bad!!!). I wouldn’t be too rude about this unless there has been a discussion about it, but this definitely needs to be a conversation to be had and expectations laid out clear as day, and he needs to at least pick up after himself.

My husband contributes a lot & I feel like we are a team, but there are definitely sometimes where I definitely notice that I am carrying most of the housework/chores and it can be overwhelming with a baby, and if that happens we have a conversation and I assign him SOMETHING that is his to do, aside from picking up after himself. I cook, I usually do dishes but sometimes he does, I do all of the basic cleaning 99% of the time, he takes the trash out, we both help with laundry but primarily my job, he does the litterbox (I’m pregnant).

It's only your job if that's the division of labor you agreed to together.

My husband works FT M-F and once he's home he's picking up toys/clutter from the day. I'm surviving with our toddler.

He cooks dinner if I ask otherwise I take care of things. We swap out watching our son while the other tasks around the house.

I get to sleep in on weekends and he does deep cleanings on Saturdays while I play with the baby. He chooses to make breakfast at least once on the weekends.

He manages trash, repairs, yard work, mopping, and litter boxes as I'm pregnant, but did most of it unprompted on weekends anyway before this. Does he still leave his clothes next to baskets and on chairs or in a million different places? You bet. But it's a minor thing that ultimately isn't worth a fight when he's on dishes 4/7 times a week after work/dinner and everything else.

I'm not his maid. I'm our child's mother. I keep him fed, enriched, and happy. My husband supports me as his wife so I can do what I need to do as a mom.

I think a frank and vulnerable discussion about what's stressing you out (lack of support and what that actually feels/looks like for YOU, feeling unappreciated, etc) at a neutral time is needed. Have dinner, get kids down and say "I want us to make time to talk about something on my heart." No accusations. Just "I" statements about what you need and feel. Give him space to respond and ask if there's anything you can do to fill his cup as well. You might be doing what you think is making him feel good but maybe he wants more physical affection or check ins? You won't know if you don't talk it through.

Hopefully you're able to start a new system that allows you to focus on kids while he focuses on taking care of you outside just bringing in money. You didn't ask for a sugar daddy, you married a husband.

Since being married I haven’t taken one bin out and he does all home repairs etc but I do most of the main home cleaning but he will do some hoovering.

Just because you’re a SAHM doesn’t mean he should just be inconsiderate and lazy he’s a grown man and should be putting things away and throwing things in the bin. That’s just showing pure disrespect to you

My husband is the total opposite! During the week he will do minor things (clean up after the kids, bath, bed) but on the weekends. I get to sleep in. He has breakfast made for the kids and the daily house chores started. My husband works 16-14 hours a day and still comes home and helps with the mental and physical load.

Just because you’re a SAHM doesn’t mean he should neglect the house and think that you’ll just be his maid. That is very inconsiderate and just lazy! He’s a grown man and should be able to be a follower for his kid(s)

The part that put me over the edge is when he’s leaving garbage around the house for you to pickup. (Ummm … ew? slob? Who lives like that? 🤢) He shouldn’t be actively making messes for you to pick up because that’s just gross and inconsiderate.

In my house, I do all the household tasks because I’m a sahm and my husband provides for us. That works for us and I’m happy with it, but I’m not picking up his snacks and garbage because he’s not a child lol.