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Domestic Abuse Survivors

is this abuse?

i feel like i can’t see right from wrong anymore. we’ve never been healthy in the beginning it was me being insecure of his ex girlfriends they were always around somehow i would find photos of them in the house i would find pictures in his phone still i would find how he lied about something from the past about them, when i was very pregnant he would say the worst imaginable things to me, if you can think of a hurtful thing he’s said it to me but i found out about another lie and i went to check his phone deep and found past sex videos of him and his ex in this house that i was trying to make a home, it was on his snapchat i was probably 6 months pregnant very visibly pregnant so i couldn’t get a job i tried, i have no friends no family to run to he would tell me to get out of his house. the day before i gave birth i was having false labor i contractions for a few days and the literal day before i gave birth he was on the couch telling me he hates me and doesn’t love me doesn’t want to be with me i was begging him to calm down and put it aside so i can have a safe labor when i gave birth he lighted for about a week or two i thought it was all better then about a month pp he shoved me across the kitchen took my phone saying he pays for it and called my dad to embarrass me i guess while i was freaking out having a panic attack after he pushed me. we went to therapy after that i told her everything and she said he looked like a good father because he had the baby in the wrap during the appt, that if i went on his phone to find something i was gonna find it, even told her how he shoved me and she said it was all on me pretty much just said to him to watch was he says cuz words hurt. baby is br she won’t take a bottle doesn’t even like food i just want to go back to work but i can’t because she still breast feeds i don’t know what to do he hates me now i don’t know what happened