If you’re a florist PLS read
I offered to do my SIL’s wedding florals, so I went into it knowing I wasn’t getting paid, and I’ve accepted that. For context, about three weeks before the wedding I asked my MIL if she needed help with anything. I mentioned that I had already told my SIL I’d help with decor and florals. My MIL said she had no floral plans at all and asked me to take charge of ordering and making everything. I agreed and had a blood relative help me. Between the planning, calculating flower quantities, staying within MIL’s $500 budget, ordering supplies, and actually making everything, it ended up being a lot work (with no help from bridal party like they said they would) The floral supplies were $600 and we made: bridal bouquet, 4 bridesmaid bouquets, 13 boutonnieres, 8 corsages, and 1 toss bouquet. My relative and I each spent about 20 hours on it (40 hours total) + we took over her house with flowers for few days. A few days after the wedding, my MIL gave me $150 for the flowers. My relative didn’t receive anything. We genuinely weren’t expecting payment at all, but 40 hours of work, splitting $150 between us felt a little wild 🥴. Still, we both understood going into it that this was a favor and not something we were doing to make money. Then a few days later, my MIL texted me asking if I would pick up the bouquet, figure out how to preserve it, and handle that process too. She said she had everything ready for me and sent me a bunch of how-to videos. When I declined, she became cold toward me. (I also took a week off work for wedding & wedding prep so I am SALTY). My question is: was I completely used? It feels like after I did all of this, they now assume I’ll say yes to anything. I don’t have the best relationship with my in-laws to begin with. My MIL praised me so much it felt fake, while my SIL never said thank you, told me she liked the flowers, or acknowledged the work that went into them. Now another SIL is getting married in less than three months, and it sounds like they may be expecting me to do the flowers again. Would I be the AH if I charged this time? One SIL got them essentially for free, but I’m struggling with the idea of putting in that kind of time, effort, and money again. I do have a family, job & LIFE.
Would I be used again? Have I given them the idea that I’ve forgiven all the hurt they’ve caused because I did 20+ hours of free labor???
We also in UT 🇺🇸 so ofc getting married at 18 is normal 🥴
Thanks for reading the family gossip of the week 🫶 comments are appreciated 🥂
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My answer depends if you paid for the flowers. You said they were $600. One place you said MIL paid $500 and one place you said she paid $150
So if you did all the work AND paid $450 then you were used
But if you only did all the work and MIL paid for flowers...I think thats fair, for family. I mean if I were you I would not give a wedding present. Doing the flowers was your present.
It is rude SIL didn't say thank you.
If you don't want to do it again, just don't. Make up some excuse, say you're burnt out and already over committed and you don't have capacity to do it again.
The flowers are absolutely beautiful by the way. You did a great job.
Florist here 🥰 People seriously underestimate how much time and work goes into floristry, especially wedding flowers. They always assume you just buy some pretty flowers and wrap them together, the end. When in fact it takes hours of conditioning and preparation. It's possible they're just naive to how much work and effort it took, which is why they haven't paid or said thank you, expecting it again etc, but if I was you I wouldn't do it again without payment. I'd just tell them it was a lot of work last time and especially with taking the time off your actual work you'd really appreciate being paid for the hours you put in, then maybe add in how you'll do an extra arrangement as a gift/favour so they understand that the rest is not a gift and should be compensated for.
Lovely flowers, you done an amazing job 👏🏼 ❤️
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