Genuinely confused🥴
My relationship with my MIL is really confusing. I got pregnant pretty quickly into my dating my husband, and she was excited through my pregnancy, but kept making comments to my husband about being in the delivery room.
When I gave birth, she drove 3 hours and tried to get in, but my mom and husband didn't let her in while I was in labour. Literally 8 hours after, she showed up in the hospital room to meet the baby. My baby was struggling with latching at that point, and she offered to "help" and grabbed my boob before I could say anything. I'd also ended up having an episiotomy and forceps delivery, so there was still literal blood and poop leaking out of me. She spent the rest of that visit filming a video holding and talking to my daughter.
I moved on cos I had a baby to focus on. My husband and I moved in with my parents temporarily as we'd just moved cities, but the whole time we lived there she would tell my husband that he's not a "man" because he's not providing (he is now and suddenly she's so proud🥴). She'd also make shady comments to me, and try to tell me about what I should and shouldn't do for my baby and this included things I strongly disagree with. She would compare her access to my baby, even though we lived with my parents and she lived hours away. My husband spoke to her even though he didn't understand the issue, and she stopped making comments to me.
The biggest issue for me is that she has always smoked during visits with my baby, and even once around my baby. I have made my husband tell her to stop three times, and each time, she'll stop for the next visit and then carry on smoking from the following visit. Even worse, my husband quit smoking since we had a baby, but on each visit, she still offers him a pack of cigarettes.
She has also been asking about when my daughter can sleep at her's since she was born, she's 12 months old now and I've never let her sleep over, but it's caused a lot of tension between me and my husband. I just don't think that she would respect other boundaries I might set.
Besides that, she's started being really nice, so I worry that im just overreacting or something. What do you think?
If you have any advice for me, I'd really appreciate it.
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She sounds sort of toxic to be honest. I would trust your gut on this one. True, that may be his mother but second-hand smoke is not something to play around with and if she’s that dismissive when you’re around, no telling how she’s behave if you’re not looking. Also, grabbing another woman’s boob… even my own mother would never.
No you’re definitely not overreacting, I feel like you guys set boundaries and it kept getting crossed over and over again. My mil always got something to say and would also give me unwanted parental advice that would never make sense basically was based off how she thinks we should raise our baby. Never like talking back to his family, I’d let him do the talking for us bcuz we agree on a lot of things especially when it comes to our baby. I used to smoke as well and I stop a month before I got pregnant and I don’t plan on starting again after I give birth so I don’t even want anybody who smokes or been drinking near my baby, it could cause bad lung problems for the baby so we agree who ever does cannot be around the baby at all bcuz our baby comes first before anybody’s feelings. I definitely wouldn’t trust her watching the baby just bcuz she’s been nice lately, if she’s not respecting you right now especially w/ the smoking, imagine how it would be like if she was alone w/ the baby
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