Genuinely confused🥴
My relationship with my MIL is really confusing. I got pregnant pretty quickly into my dating my husband, and she was excited through my pregnancy, but kept making comments to my husband about being in the delivery room.
When I gave birth, she drove 3 hours and tried to get in, but my mom and husband didn't let her in while I was in labour. Literally 8 hours after, she showed up in the hospital room to meet the baby. My baby was struggling with latching at that point, and she offered to "help" and grabbed my boob before I could say anything. I'd also ended up having an episiotomy and forceps delivery, so there was still literal blood and poop leaking out of me. She spent the rest of that visit filming a video holding and talking to my daughter.
I moved on cos I had a baby to focus on. My husband and I moved in with my parents temporarily as we'd just moved cities, but the whole time we lived there she would tell my husband that he's not a "man" because he's not providing (he is now and suddenly she's so proud🥴). She'd also make shady comments to me, and try to tell me about what I should and shouldn't do for my baby and this included things I strongly disagree with. She would compare her access to my baby, even though we lived with my parents and she lived hours away. My husband spoke to her even though he didn't understand the issue, and she stopped making comments to me.
The biggest issue for me is that she has always smoked during visits with my baby, and even once around my baby. I have made my husband tell her to stop three times, and each time, she'll stop for the next visit and then carry on smoking from the following visit. Even worse, my husband quit smoking since we had a baby, but on each visit, she still offers him a pack of cigarettes.
She has also been asking about when my daughter can sleep at her's since she was born, she's 12 months old now and I've never let her sleep over, but it's caused a lot of tension between me and my husband. I just don't think that she would respect other boundaries I might set.
Besides that, she's started being really nice, so I worry that im just overreacting or something. What do you think?
If you have any advice for me, I'd really appreciate it.