Am I overreacting to MIL’s need to hold newborn or being overprotective over my time spent with baby?

My MIL has been on cloud 9 since the birth of our baby boy. He’s barely 3 weeks old since coming home from the hospital. I had a normal delivery with some tearing and I’m healing. I’m also trying to establish routines with my baby and staying up nights to feed baby. My husband invited his mother to come visit us and help, she has visited us everyday for hours at a time. She comes in the morning and leaves in the evening. She holds baby for hours and asks to take over care for him. Sometimes she helps with bringing us food and cleaning the pantry, etc… but mostly she likes to hold my newborn, oftentimes for hours. She soothes him after I nurse him and wants to burp him and give him the bottle. I’ve been getting increasing irritated with making small talk with her since my sleep at night has been suffering too. She seems to want to hold my baby and care for him and that seems to somehow make me wary because she seems to think that I am okay with her holding the baby while I go and do chores. I find it difficult to accept having her around for such a long visit. She comes home around 9 or 10 am when I’m groggy and not that well dressed for visitors. She also made comments about me and dress and body odor. My husband has the luxury of time to shower 3x a day while I’m really happy when I get to shower once. Also, establishing a good pumping and breastfeeding schedule is so difficult when there are guests around. The other day I wanted to go out for some fresh air with my baby (in a carrier) and she commented saying I should throw something on before I go out, as thought I’d walk out with my boobs half in half out of the baby carrier. It was rather obvious I’d wear clothing if I was going for a short stroll in the neighborhood. I feel rather crowded and feel like my privacy is invaded and I don’t want visitors. In fact, if she is in the living room I don’t feel like coming out of our bedroom and I mentally groan 😩 because she will ask if she can hold the baby right during or after nursing sessions when I’m trying to top him off with formula. I’m struggling with consistency around nursing / pumping and trying to build my milk supply right now and find it difficult to stay on track when she’s visiting. It was hard for the husband because he wanted to see his mother happy and if that was through her watching our son for us (at the expense of my heightened anxiety and my discomfort, so be it). I told him I was not able to breast feed his son anymore because I needed privacy and was not comfortable with the extended duration of visits. She even walked in the house when I was half naked without letting either of us know she was indoors. Are my requests unreasonable? I don’t have any other new mom friends so I can’t ask or share experiences with them..

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Momma, it’s time to tell your husband your boundaries are not being respected and she has got to go. And if he or she doesn’t like it, who tf cares. Your priority is not to make them comfortable, they should be making every effort to make sure you are comfortable and looked after. If she were coming over and helping around the house and doing the chores while YOU held your own baby that’s different but baby doesn’t need her, he needs mom.

Absolutely NOT unreasonable!!!! Not any part of this is unreasonable.

You need to be direct with your husband about what is helpful to you during this time and what is not. Your husband should be helping to reinforce these boundaries, especially since it's his mom. We literally made a "chores chart" for my mom and MIL when they are here helping. It includes things like empty dishwasher, load dishwasher, fold laundry, feed dogs, restock diaper caddies. They know they only get to hold the baby when requested and I am in charge of baby's schedule and taking care of baby is my main job, not theirs. In practice, it has changed a bit and my MIL will get the baby up from her nap and change her and bring her to me to nurse as a way for her to get a little extra cuddle time. But that works well for me and we agreed that was helpful too.

In the end, if she's there to help you, then she needs to do the things that feel helpful to YOU, not the things she thinks are helpful. Good luck!

Girl your the woman whom created the precious life for 9months and trying to conquer the way of being mentally/physically and emotionally stable, to bare the minimum of folks presence isnt the first on your tdl. Your more than deserving of holding your baby and establishing boundaries no one should ever over-step. Hubby can be the backbone to that and give you what you need in your time of healing and processing. Theres absolutely no reason you MIL cant go over to help you out with things around the house while you are the one bonding with your beautiful creation. Im sure 9/10 times that would take weight off your shoulder’s, and also if its making you feel some kind of way mama you already know the answer to your question. I pray for your mental health and well being over this season in the “fourth trimester”. Your the exact person baby needs right now and with everything he is who u need as well. Thats all that matters 🤍 blessings to you and yours.

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What to do 😩

My daughter is a side sleeper. I put her down on her back every single time and she rolls onto her side and will fall asleep. She's never rolled over onto her tummy yet but I'm paranoid waiting for the day she can and I won't sleep again until she can fully hold her head up 😩😩😭😭 she's 2 weeks and 5 days old.

I've tried constantly moving her back onto her back, every single time she moves onto her side or fusses until I let her. Once she's on her side she'll drift off into a peaceful sleep. I'm forever constantly checking her to see if she'a breathing or rolled onto her tummy and gotten stuck.

The picture is of the position she will get herself into every time. With her hand under her head. I'm lost for ideas please help 😭😩

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Genuinely confused🥴

My relationship with my MIL is really confusing. I got pregnant pretty quickly into my dating my husband, and she was excited through my pregnancy, but kept making comments to my husband about being in the delivery room.

When I gave birth, she drove 3 hours and tried to get in, but my mom and husband didn't let her in while I was in labour. Literally 8 hours after, she showed up in the hospital room to meet the baby. My baby was struggling with latching at that point, and she offered to "help" and grabbed my boob before I could say anything. I'd also ended up having an episiotomy and forceps delivery, so there was still literal blood and poop leaking out of me. She spent the rest of that visit filming a video holding and talking to my daughter.

I moved on cos I had a baby to focus on. My husband and I moved in with my parents temporarily as we'd just moved cities, but the whole time we lived there she would tell my husband that he's not a "man" because he's not providing (he is now and suddenly she's so proud🥴). She'd also make shady comments to me, and try to tell me about what I should and shouldn't do for my baby and this included things I strongly disagree with. She would compare her access to my baby, even though we lived with my parents and she lived hours away. My husband spoke to her even though he didn't understand the issue, and she stopped making comments to me.

The biggest issue for me is that she has always smoked during visits with my baby, and even once around my baby. I have made my husband tell her to stop three times, and each time, she'll stop for the next visit and then carry on smoking from the following visit. Even worse, my husband quit smoking since we had a baby, but on each visit, she still offers him a pack of cigarettes.

She has also been asking about when my daughter can sleep at her's since she was born, she's 12 months old now and I've never let her sleep over, but it's caused a lot of tension between me and my husband. I just don't think that she would respect other boundaries I might set.

Besides that, she's started being really nice, so I worry that im just overreacting or something. What do you think?

If you have any advice for me, I'd really appreciate it.

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