How are we 'disciplining' an 18 month old or is it not possible?

I'm feeling like I have no clue how to parent. Mu natural instinct is to say "no don't do that, come here and do xxx" - my son totally understands but proceeds to test our limits. I try to stay calm but sometimes I have an involuntary harsh toned "don't do that" and I feel terrible. He understands "no" but doesn't listen to me. He's more likely to listen to his dad's instructions. I try to teach packing away - but its a hit or miss. I put so much pressure on myself to be a good mom - but do I try and instill obedience now and ensure consequences when he does what he knows he should not or do I just leave him be and bite on shoes, eat soil, put stones in his mouth, unpack all the cupboards and constantly throw his plate and cup on the floor? I know they love a reaction and are testing cause and effect but it's a lot especially when juggling workplace stress and life admin. I'm not complaining - I adore this lil smarty pants so much but I'm feeling clueless rn. Is it just the stage they're at now or do I try and push for good behavior?

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For the cupboard situation I suggest just buying some child locks otherwise it’s just inevitable

I dont know the answer but this popped up just as i was thinking exactly the same. I was literally just sat feeding my newborn, watching my 18 month old ignore me asking him not to tip the furniture over and wondering how to parent this because i dont want him to think its ok, but not sure he has enough understanding of consequences to be effective and what a sensible consequence could be

Introduce time outs. When you have told him no and he continues tell him a 2nd time and then place him in a 'time out' spot. Do 1 minute per age as anything more they dont have the brain development to understand. If its putting things away then same thing. Give 3 warnings and in time 3 he goes to the spot. If he wants something else then make sure he tidies what he has out first before the next thing. Make tidying up a game? Like a race or something. Give him set ones to put away. For example ' you put the red and blue ones away. Mummy will do the yellow and green." And make it a race. Cupboards you might need to look into locks for. Has he got his own play kitchen? Maybe set up some sensory activities and it sounds like he is sensory seeking with putting things in his mouth. For example set up a farm theme and use rice pops/cornflakes as the ground and then veggies as the things grown. You can also add a tractor, people and animals ect.

I’ve heard toddlers don’t really understand “don’t X” - for example you shouldn’t say “don’t run”, you should say “walking feet please” or instead of “don’t hit”, you should say “calm hands please”, and modelling the behaviour is a big one too and don’t have a strong reaction otherwise they’ll keep doing it to get a reaction out of you.

We save our “nos” for the life threatening and really awful stuff like hurting others, for everything else we try to just explain and distract and sometimes just let him because if no one’s hurt, is it really always necessary to say no? And then if I have to I will physically carry him away from the situation if he doesn’t listen, asap after saying no, so he learns that no (or stop) really does mean “stop this now”. And radical acceptance that this process takes YEARS. And you will mess up and scream/ be too harsh. And you will say no 28x without actually following through but what matters is that in general your child knows what to expect and that boundaries stay predictable for your child :)

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Nurseries

My little one’s nursery still charges us if we have pre booked holidays ? Is this normal? Just doesn’t make sense to me that we are paying for a service when he won’t be there, we were told that the fees secure his place at the nursery ?

My husband didn't say goodnight

So my husband has gone to Paris for a business trip and I am only 8 weeks PP. He has left me with a baby and another child as well as 2 cats and the cat has kittens. So there is a LOT to do. I am exhausted. Not only does the baby just not sleep but I have to be showered and ready for the school run by 8.30. It's just honestly a nightmare. Well I was fine with all of this as long as my husband just follows one simple effing rule. If he goes out drinking can he just call me when he gets home. Thats it. So this evening I tried to call him he ignored my calls eventually answers and I hear other voices including female voices. He tells me he's going for a work dinner. Ok. Why didnt he tell me before? Then I expected him to call me when it was over. He dodnt. Mind you we just had this argument last night because he did the same fucking thing so I reminded him all he has to do is call me to say goodnight. So obviously I think hes cheating on me. Im just so annoyed and angry and feeling emotional because if hes not cheating on me then what if he was on an accident or something? I am feeling sick with panic and anxiety. Honestly fuck him. Stupid fucking cunt. Thats all. Sorry just needed to rant.

Food shop weekly cost

How much are people spending on food shopping a week? We spend between £80-100 a week, this is for 2 adults and 2 kids, a dog and a cat. Do our shopping in Tesco and most weeks we will end up in a shopping for washing detergent, dishwasher tablets, animal food etc as we like to physically look at what is the best deals that week in a shop.

I just hear people doing these videos about how they can spend £30 for 4/5 meals and I have no idea how they do this!!

Would this ongoing dynamic wear you down?

Partner got home from work, spent 45 minutes chatting to a neighbour, then happily went for a little drive with him.

Meanwhile, I was trying to sort dinner. I offered to pay for a Chinese because he had no money. The only place open required collection. He agreed to go, but not before huffing and saying, completely unprompted, “I’m not doing the washing up though.”

While he was gone, I did all of the washing up because our tiny kitchen looked like a crime scene and I wanted it sorted before the baby needed me.

After dinner, there were literally two bowls and two forks left. He initially agreed to wash them. When I reminded him, suddenly it was, “Why can’t you just do it? It’s only two bowls.”

Apparently all the washing up is “mine” anyway, despite a large chunk of it coming from feeding our children three meals a day, snacks, drinks and bottles. He then informed me that if I do 75% of the washing up, he does 275%.

For context, he does do a fair bit of washing up, especially on his days off. My frustration isn’t the bowls. It’s that I do the vast majority of the childcare, baby care, bottles, night wakes and household management, so asking for help with two bowls somehow turning into a courtroom defence felt a bit much.

By the end I’d been called a spoiled brat, we’d debated the existence of dog water that he lied about refilling, and somehow an empty can on the side became relevant evidence.

The two bowls were never the issue. The issue is that I feel like I live with a barrister who specialises in arguing over household chores.

Would this annoy you too, or am I seeing it wrong? Would this ongoing dynamic wear you down? This is constant. There’s something every single day at this point and it’s so fucking petty it’s draining the soul from me.

Husband talking too another Woman

Looking for some advice and just need to get it out anonymously.
I've been with my husband for years, we have a 2.5 year old together, a mortgage, and we've been trying for a second baby. Things have been off between us for a little while and I've felt him withdrawing, but I've been trying to make it work because I love my family.
Something felt wrong so I looked at his phone and found messages between him and a girl he went to college with. She's recently gone through a divorce. He's texting her constantly, including checking in on her at 6:30 in the morning. He's asking about her dating life, giving her compliments, and he even invited to buy her a drink and to soft play with the kids.
I confronted him and he says he knows how it looks but that she's just a friend.
I haven't told anyone in my life because I'm scared and don't want to worry people around me.
Has anyone been through something similar? How did you handle it? Did you believe them when they said it was just a friend? I just need to hear from people who understand.

Do any of you ladies practice manual evacuation?

I find it especially helpful. Its great for super-formed poops that just need rotated or those annoying pebbles that never come out no matter how much you push. For those that don't know, its done by inserting a finger or thumb in the vagina and coaxing/pushing poop out since the vagina and anus share a tissue wall.