Dad with Paternal Postpartum Depression (PPND)

Hi all,

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and struggling with a partner with paternal postpartum depression.

I fell I expectantly pregnant whilst we were opening a restaurant. He did not want the pregnancy to go ahead as he wanted to wait until the business had been around for a few years and when we would be in a more comfortable financial situation and be less demanding of his time.

He came to understand why I could not terminate, and seemed to accept it and even show excitement. Although, as my due date gets closer he is becoming more and more anxious. He keeps spiralling and despairing about not being able to pay himself a wage, not being able to afford to replace my role in the business, not being able to be around the baby as much as he wants, being a disappointing dad etc.

I love him and want to be supportive but being a sympathetic ear for these spirals is really impacting my mental health. Feels like I’m doing everything I can to keep calm, help with the business and prepare for baby girl and a big steaming pile of anxiety is dumped in my lap leaving me unraveled.

As the birth approaches my initial excitement is being replaced by fear. The prospect of labouring alone is looking increasingly likely. I have my heart set on spontaneous natural labour. I worry that if I should go into labour during opening hours he will be too anxious to leave the restaurant for fear of reputation loss, revenue loss, ultimately business failure etc.

I don’t have anyone else I feel comfortable asking to support me in labour. I have a complicated relationship with my mum. I lost my bestfriend during this pregnancy, who viewed his frequent tears as coercive. The friends I still have are either caring for newborns, or are new friendships I wouldn’t feel comfortable being that vulnerable around.

I just got on the continuity of care program and my midwife is apparently great and rather like a doula in her approach. I’m wondering if this could be enough? How can I ready myself for birth in face of this uncertainty?

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