MIL gave my exclusively breast-fed 5 month old a bottle of water…and would do it again
Hi fam, need insight on exactly how bad this is and see if I am overreacting.
MIL baby sat my LO who is 5 months old for 8 hours, for the first time. MIL has a history of wanting to do things her way so I knew she was going to approach this like that, but she raised 5 kids herself. So, I thought she would keep it safe.
I set up everything for her—clean onesie, bottles ready to go, breast milk ready. I showed her how we put baby to sleep, how we warm up breast milk, and told her to call or text for any questions.
She FaceTimes me once and I see my LO dressed in a different onesie with different sleep wear that we have never used. Not a big deal but it was no wonder baby wasn’t sleeping. I come home and MIL only has good things to say about the day. However, the bottles were changed, the clothes were changed, the play area was changed, everything.
I also notice a big coffee stain on a white dining chair (I know we’re asking for it with white) that wasn’t there before I left. I bring it up and smell it to see what fluid spilled. It’s clear from her 4 to-go cups of coffee who made the stain. But she plays it off and doesn’t admit to it (important for later).
Then, my partner says “she gave her water.” I’m surprised, because I left an abundance of breast milk out. At first I’m like “how much water?” And she jumps quickly to say “oh, not that much. She just seemed thirsty.”
I stare and see a full 5 oz + bottle of water ready to be fed to my baby along with a breast milk packet next to it, thawing. I’m confused…why give water when there is breast milk?
My partner, who is an RN, explains why water is dangerous to a baby under 1 year old. She explains that she gave water to all of her 5 kids and mutters a half-hearted apology.
She leaves and we finish the night since we are tired but the questions start to haunt me. What was the logic to giving my baby water when there was milk? And if she lied about a silly coffee stain, would she potentially lie about something that actually matters? Was this lady safe to leave my baby with in the future?
The questions haunt me for two days and I talk it over with my partner, and we just can’t understand the logic. So, we realize we just need to ask.
Upon gentle and genuinely curious questioning, my MIL jumps to immediately being on the defensive and tries to play the part of the victim. She tells my partner / her son “well, if I’m so horrible, why don’t you never let me babysit her again.”
There is no genuine remorse or reflection on her part. And to explain why she gave my baby water, she says “everyone does things differently. This is how I do it.”
Like…does this woman not care that she could’ve hurt a defenseless baby, much less her own grandchild?
Please give me your insight. For right now, we have blocked her on everything as we process what happened.
I don’t plan on ever letting her babysit again, obviously. But tell me what you would do…
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She's 1000% in the wrong and I wouldn't trust her with the baby again any time soon...y'all are right for taking a break.
damn 🤦♀️
well maybe you can do shorter spurts of babysitting when you're comfortable again. or when daughter is a bit older. I wouldn't cut her and it's helpful that your husband works in medicine
My in laws would do this too but they live far so haven't babysat.
It's one thing to say I do things my own way. It's quite another when your way endangers the health and safety of the child. I would also not trust her after that. Lying on any level is not okay, especially when a child is involved.
So, we all raise our babies differently and thats fine..... when they are our own babies!!!!
For me, its more about how shes gone in and changed everything to her version of how she wants it disregarding how you do things.
The fact she doesn't see any wrong doing, tells me there is no trust and she will do it again.
It would be supervised visits moving forward for her it it was my MIL. Xx
Its not what she did per se… as u said she has 5 kids. I see the previous generations are having to unlearn some things. Her response is whats puzzling. A simple i didnt think it was a big deal etc and wont do it again would have been fine. But she defensive which is a bit understandable but then doesnt care to make amends is off.
It is something our parents used to do, I know my mum has suggested it and I shut her down. But she takes that, listens, and does what we ask.
Maybe go at it with the educational side of things, be like I know it seemed OK to do it when we were little, but newer evidence is suggesting it is not safe to give water to babies and formula/breastmilk is all that is suitable up until 6 mo and even at that time only small amounts.
Be like this is how we are raising our baby, you raised yours, but we are doing it this way, and if you can't respect that, then we will need to find alternatives for childcare
Yes, we’re feeling all the distrust and emotions right now. So, we will take a break until we feel better about it and then later, revisit how / if we want her in our lives.
It’s just wild to go about it this way instead of a simple “oh my gosh, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”
Her reaction has me feeling she will definitely do something like this again and perhaps she wasn’t trying to hurt my baby. But maybe she wants to show us that she can do it better. So strange.
Like, why not just enjoy being a grandma and have fun with the baby? Why try to change everything about that child’s environment / habits?
She could have killed your baby or made them seriously ill and for what.. to prove a point?
She would never see my child again and she’d certainly never be left alone with my child ever ever ever again. She has 0 respect for you or your partner or your parenting abilities. She had her turn at raising children and now she needs to put her ego aside and let you raise yours, your way x
I hear thisssss
My aunt gave my baby at 5 months an orange and didn’t consult with me and I think that’s what PMO the most. From what experience don’t cut her off, you don’t need her right now but you will eventually. It’s okay to want to do things your way it’s your baby of course but come at her from a respectful point too…”hey I know you have raised 5 kids and you have your way of doing things and I respect that but me and (hubby) want to try things this way based on research we have done, we’re also open to things you have to say but please just check in with us first next time” they’re getting older u know and you don’t want to make them feel like they’re not needed either. Also, my pediatrician has said once baby start solids it’s ok to give 1-2 oz of water
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