in

IT'S A POLL WORLD! 🙋🏽‍♀️

Was he financially abusive or did I didn’t manage the finances correctly?

I left my job and moved to my bf state thinking I was gonna go work but instead I ended up pregnant. I became a sahm and he gave me $500 every 2 weeks while he took care of the rent. He made $115k a year. We never joint finances.

I put the $500 back into the family like groceries and stuff while leaving my debt unpaid bc I often didn’t have money left so my credit went down. I told him I wanted to find work but he fought me over it and told me I was a bad mom for wanting to leave our kid in daycare.

He was also always telling me how I don’t do anything at home and I just want to be financially maintained, all while he never helped at home or with the baby. He was also controlling and jealous verbally abusive. I tried to communicate how I was feeling but he didn’t want to hear me out. This went on for 4 years until I had enough and I left. He then said ok let’s joint accounts and started giving me $1500 monthly but by then it was too late. I had been unstable in survival mode for too long that I didn’t last long and I left again a couple of months later.

He says that I never asked to be part of the finances so that’s my fault. that he would have let me managed the whole finances if I had asked. that he has been working hard to provide for us, saving to ultimately buy us a home so he has not been abusive and I’m unappreciative and just didn’t manage the money right.

He says he never told me to use the monthly allowance back into the family so that was my fault that I never saved it or put it into my debt. But I felt bad not contributing specially bc I didn’t know where we were financially and bc he made me feel like I don’t do anything at home.

Also one time he cursed me out so bad for no reason and the next day he offered me $8k to pay my debt but I didn’t accept it cuz I was mad. He has given me the tax return which has been $5k every year. Eventually I paid off my debt. But Has this been my fault all along?

He just always kinda made me feel like I wasn’t contributing and always fought me for no reason and he didn’t do anything at home or with the baby so I always felt like we were gonna break up. He never made me feel supported, stable and secured.

Sahm, Did u have to ask ur partner to be part of his finances or did he make u part of it? How did ur partner make u feel secure and stable?