I am aware people who don’t have help during motherhood are living completely different lives to those who don’t and that’s why I feel I shouldn’t complain as I live with my husbands grandmother who does help but I just don’t feel comfortable leaving him with her and sleeping because I don’t like the ways she speaks about him. Calling him sexy, dark, fat and swearing a lot and also she likes to cross my personal boundaries and walks into mine and my husband’s room whenever she likes etc, there are many more things. I also come to my parents a lot and they do help me and my husband is trying somewhat too. However I have this deep horrible feeling that I’m doing such a shit job and that my son hates me. He has colic and constipation and cries a lot and he never wants to be put down. He just seems sad and I feel it’s my fault. I don’t know if it’s exhaustion from BF and having him with me all the time but I don’t recognise myself and I hate myself and I have really scary thoughts. Sometimes I wish I never did this and I feel like such a bad mum. I love him with my whole heart and soul but I feel like I’m not cut out to be a mum.
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Hey girl I hear you, I had this when my son went through a similar phase where he wouldn’t stop crying and didn’t want to be put down. BF can also have a major effect on your mental health without realising which can make you on edge and super anxious. At the end of the day you are entering a chapter of your life where you are wanted and needed 24/7 and that’s a lot to take in! The people around you are not needed by your son in the same way which can make you feel really lonely at times I did too!
Try not to beat yourself up about it too much as long as he’s fed, changed bathed burped and you’ve done everything you can. You’re doing just fine. Loving him is enough. Some babies just cry as it’s their way of communicating and they don’t really have any other way to. And I promise you he doesn’t hate you. He’s just entered a new environment and isn’t snuggled up cosy in your tummy anymore and that takes some getting used to. You’re doing great and you’ve got this! Sending love x

For the colic and constipation try gripe water and also cooled boiled water but when the water is boiled add 2-3 ajwain seeds/fennel seeds/star anise (all three) and when it cools down give a teaspoon or two to your baby! It’s completely safe and helps baby poo! It was a life saver for my daughter she was also the same! And don’t back off the tummy/leg exercises!