Mum guilt and anxiety

I am aware people who don’t have help during motherhood are living completely different lives to those who don’t and that’s why I feel I shouldn’t complain as I live with my husbands grandmother who does help but I just don’t feel comfortable leaving him with her and sleeping because I don’t like the ways she speaks about him. Calling him sexy, dark, fat and swearing a lot and also she likes to cross my personal boundaries and walks into mine and my husband’s room whenever she likes etc, there are many more things. I also come to my parents a lot and they do help me and my husband is trying somewhat too. However I have this deep horrible feeling that I’m doing such a shit job and that my son hates me. He has colic and constipation and cries a lot and he never wants to be put down. He just seems sad and I feel it’s my fault. I don’t know if it’s exhaustion from BF and having him with me all the time but I don’t recognise myself and I hate myself and I have really scary thoughts. Sometimes I wish I never did this and I feel like such a bad mum. I love him with my whole heart and soul but I feel like I’m not cut out to be a mum.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

Hey girl I hear you, I had this when my son went through a similar phase where he wouldn’t stop crying and didn’t want to be put down. BF can also have a major effect on your mental health without realising which can make you on edge and super anxious. At the end of the day you are entering a chapter of your life where you are wanted and needed 24/7 and that’s a lot to take in! The people around you are not needed by your son in the same way which can make you feel really lonely at times I did too!

Try not to beat yourself up about it too much as long as he’s fed, changed bathed burped and you’ve done everything you can. You’re doing just fine. Loving him is enough. Some babies just cry as it’s their way of communicating and they don’t really have any other way to. And I promise you he doesn’t hate you. He’s just entered a new environment and isn’t snuggled up cosy in your tummy anymore and that takes some getting used to. You’re doing great and you’ve got this! Sending love x

Avatar

For the colic and constipation try gripe water and also cooled boiled water but when the water is boiled add 2-3 ajwain seeds/fennel seeds/star anise (all three) and when it cools down give a teaspoon or two to your baby! It’s completely safe and helps baby poo! It was a life saver for my daughter she was also the same! And don’t back off the tummy/leg exercises!

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

Honest Transparent Rant

I want to preface this and say I was diagnosed with post natal depression, and I chose not to have any medication etc because it’s not an all the time thing if that makes sense?

I’m sure I’m only feeling this way because it’s warm, I’ve got really bad back pain at the moment so struggling to be on the floor and run after him etc, & he’s going through a regression of dropping naps, fighting sleep etc.

I digress;

I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, and I want to start by saying I know you can’t have a baby based off other people helping you. However I deeply regret having a baby and don’t think I’d of done it if I knew it was going to be like this?

We don’t have a support unit, our mums drop in for an hour when it’s convenient for them like before they do their weekly shop or on their way to a night out etc.
My MIL makes me feel guilty for not visit her when we don’t drive, nor does she ever offer to have the baby. She always messaged me asking to go out drinking but I can’t because I have her grandson to look after?
My mum does have the baby every school holiday as she is a teacher so can’t really have him any other time but during term time doesn’t make an effort.
We both have siblings (mine are younger and his are older) but they don’t bother anymore.

When I was pregnant everyone was so excited for this baby but since he’s been here no one care and I feel so bad for him as well.
To put into context he is almost walking and there are people that haven’t seen him since he was pre crawling that’s how long they leave it.

They say it take a village but we are so on our own. To top it off my partner works until 9pm so I’m on my own all day, do everything by myself, do every bed time, every bath time etc I’m the one that gets the brunt of my son when he’s pulling my hair, biting and refusing to go to sleep.

I just feel so defeated, like I miss my son when I’m not around him but I feel like I’m running on a really really empty tank and I just want to run away and tell someone else to have a fucking turn.

I know this is going to sound bitter but even my friends, I hope when they have kids they regret never reaching out. I try but no one seems to want to hang out now that it involves a baby and not a night out?

Idk this is so long and I just needed to get it off my chest, I feel I can’t talk to anyone that this is about because they will feel attacked? Idk just feel so bloody down. All I wanted in my life was to be a mum and I thought I was resilient but I guess I’m not🙃

Avatar

4

11

Co-sleeping advice needed

Hey mamas, I’m a first time mum and I co-sleep. My baby feeds through the night but hubby would like her to transition into her side bed , baby is 3 months and I feel it’s too soon to transition . when’s a good time to start training her to sleep in the side bed? Also baby rejects the side bed/bassinet . Is it too soon to train seeing that I breastfeed through the night?

Avatar

1

15

Unexplained bruising on baby

My baby is 13 months and unfortunately I found an unexplained bruise on her inner buttock. I don’t want to jump to sinister conclusions but it happened at nursery. I did email them ASAP asking about it or if anyone noticed anything. They were very blunt with the response and didn’t mention anything when I brought her in today. I’m hoping it’s just that she fell on a toy. But what are the safeguarding steps to make sure a proper investigation is followed.

Avatar

3

Dealing with toddler behavior

I feel like I have lost control of my 3 year old. Lately she has been hitting me when she gets upset about something. She is screaming in public when something doesn't go her way. She is being very stubborn and hard to deal with. Her dad and I are gentle parenting her. But I feel like her behavior is just too much. I feel like she is not getting any consequences for her actions. And this is why her behavior is like that. What can we do.

Avatar

7

Help! I'm trying and failing at raising my child with a mood disorder and I'm at my wit's end

I need a mom to talk to ASAP because my husband is always busy at work and want to ask for advice I get nothing back. Technically this is his daughter but I've been raising her since she's one and she's had a mood disorder since I met her. She literally acts like she has a devil in her and I'm at my Wit's end she's 8 years old now and I can't even get to 8:00 a.m. without some kind of major catastrophe going on. I have three other kids and she has become verbally abusive to them and I want her out of this house and I don't know what to do. I want to send her back to live with her mom but my husband is 100% against that but he's not the one taking care of her and I've explained that to him and he tells me he'll find somebody to come take care of her and he never does. This morning I'm so angry I just need someone to vent to and I called him and he's literally acting irritated that I'm calling him about his own fucking daughter. I need to vent I need a mom who understands. I can't see waves so please just send a message if you have time to talk to me and give me some advice I would really appreciate it. I literally have no one around here I live in a small town and my husband is a narcissist so he's ruined every relationship I've made here and I literally have no one. 😭

Avatar

8

Baby peeing through clothes

Hi everyone! I’m looking for some tips to help with my son peeing through his clothes every night… I’ve tried bigger diapers, I change him multiple times a night, I point his business down… no matter what, he ALWAYS wakes up with wet Jammie’s and a sleep sack… any advice would be appreciated!!! 💙

Avatar

20

Read more on Peanut