am i selfish?
i had my son in 2025. he’s a little over a year now. ever since having him, i genuinely have no clue how people have more than one kid. i feel terrible because he seems to be lonely and i wish for a sibling for him but i don’t think i can ever be pregnant again. the vomiting , the weight gain, the pain, labor, the hair loss, postpartum depression. all of it. i only just recently started feeling like myself again (barely) and i look at moms of 4 or 5 kids like they’re insane. i haven’t been able to work since i got pregnant and childcare isn’t affordable so i entirely rely on my man for money which is fine, he’s great, but i wish i had my own career. being a sahm has driven me insane. it was only after making a ton of friends and having my mom babysit him lots that i started to get my spark back. lately i just look at him and get so sad that he plays alone, or only with me. how do yall have multiple kids? i genuinely don’t think i could ever sacrifice my body and mental health again. motherhood isn’t the beautiful thing everyone told me it would be, im sorry. i love my boy to death but motherhood has drained the life out of me.
Feeling alone
Does anyone else feel like your doing it all by yourself? Ive been with my husband 7 years and we have 3 kids. A 6 year old,3 year old and a 4 month old. I feel like im doing it all on my own. Ive been dealing with postpartum depression, anxiety and rage really bad. I try to tell my husband how im feeling because he says I can always come to him but when I do I always end up feeling worse not better. Like tonight,I just wanted some time to myself without having to be a mom,my 2 daughters wanted me but with my postpartum I have moments where I feel disconnected from them and don't want to be around them,just want to be left alone and have space. I tell my husband that and suddenly he makes me feel like im a bad mom. Says I can't blame that on postpartum, there's just something wrong me and its not postpartum. I just don't want to spend time with our girls. I try to explain to him he doesn't know what its like dealing with this,that he doesn't understand that this isn't me being a bad mom and making an excuse not to be around the girls. Mentally I can't be because of this. Why can he get sometime and peace by himself but I can't? I could hear him in our bedroom getting frustrated because our 3 year old won't lay down and go to sleep and I can't help but think "now you see what i deal with all the time. Another thing that upsets me when I try to tell him how im feeling,he goes "you don't know what its like working 8-10hrs a day" excuse me? That's 8-10 hrs you don't have to worry about being a parent. I work longer than that by being stay at home mom. I get tired,overwhelmed, overstimulated,angry and want to cry because the kids aren't listening or im dealing with our baby. He doesn't get that I can't give my attention to all 3 of them at the same time. He doesn't understand that it can get to me and become a lot. He tries to say it isn't that hard,but he's not here during the day to see what its like.
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