What do we do? Contraception or Vasectomy
My husband and I are at a bit of a standstill and not sure how to go forward.
Currently we have 2 children and we're both very much in agreement we want no more.
Not only would it put strain on us financially, our house isn't big enough, our car isn't big enough, and my health hasn't been great throughout both pregnancies. I've also had complications postpartum that require physio and (temporarily) strong pain medication.
I had been on contraception (pill) previously and absolutely hated it the whole time. It made me feel so ill and has cemented my desire not to be on any sort of contraception that will mess with my hormones or my period, make me feel unwell or require me to take daily like the pill because I already have so much to do and remember! I also just don't like the idea of anything being inside me, like the coil for example. I know it can be a great option for a lot of women, but personally I just don't want it.
I've asked if my husband would consider getting a vasectomy, but I am be no means pushing this on him. I have reassured him every time we have these conversations that he makes the decision for his own body and if its not something he's comfortable doing then I won't make him feel bad for that, he has every right to say no. And he pretty much has tbh.
He is a bit of a hypochondriac and the thought of having this medical procedure sent him into a bit of a spiral. He has spent a lot of time reading 'horror stories' online. I asked what those were and he said something along the lines of "there's a slim chance I could end up with chronic pain down there permanently if something goes wrong" I couldn't help but be a bit annoyed as I'm currently dealing with chronic pain down there from giving birth to our children and having to take medication and do physio for it! I'm not trying to complain but it just feels like I've happily accepted that risk (and many others that come with bearing children!) And he isn't happy to take any risk at all, even though they are much smaller risks.
And of course I do not want him to end up with pain like me. If I knew that was going to happen I'd tell him absolutely not to do it. But it's just one of those things where there's always a small risk of something going wrong but most of the time it is fine and affective.
I just feel like it is landing on me to make the decision whether or not I go on contraception or we risk an unwanted pregnancy. I do not want to make that choice, it feels unfair.. it feels like I have gone through so much already physically, hormonally, physiologically, mentally, I just don't understand why he can't just do this for me and for us..
These are inside thoughts mostly as I do not want to guilt him into doing it, I want him to decide for himself and feel comfortable with the decision, but each time we talk about it, it seems less and less likely that he will go ahead with it.
I am currently 3 months postpartum and we have not had sex yet. I have told him I don't feel comfortable and I'm a little scared to with just a condom honestly, it doesn't feel like enough protection. I track my cycle well but I don't trust that fully. Maybe I'm being unreasonable about it all I don't know.
The thing is I know for a fact if we did end up accidentally getting pregnant again there wouldn't be much of an option for me but to have an abortion, but that isn't something I could ever do, I know it would wreck me. I just feel torn and sad about it all. I miss us being intimate but it feels like this massive weight on my shoulders now and I just don't want to..
