in

California

Had an abortion now pregnant again with an abusive guy

I thought my dreams were coming true I thought I was going to finally have a family, a loving partner. I’ve been with him for six months or so and I got pregnant well as soon as we found out, he threatened to murder me so I was very uncomfortable and had an abortion. Well, he’s a narcissist and had a mask on the whole time so of course I fell into the trap two months later I’m pregnant again I’m almost 3 months pregnant now and it’s just as worse if not more than the last time he’s super abusive blames me that I’m pregnant even though we’ve been planning this since we met we even put a deposit down on an apartment but come to find out he’s been having sex with his ex the whole time and she reached out to me telling me that he’s a player and a liar. Yeah he’s been lying to my face. Every chance that he got I feel super unprepared, no money no support as my families in New York and I’m in California. I have three dogs that I take care of and I’m being blamed that I’m setting myself up for failure and struggle because I have three dogs. I work from home so being pregnant and being with the baby would be easy but I have no support. I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna get another abortion, but I also don’t want the kid to live in in poverty with an abusive father, I don’t wanna live with him. I won’t, but I don’t know what to do. My family’s mad at me that I even let him back into my life now, of course I’m being blamed for everything by my family and by him the only person that knows this is my neighbor and she’s pregnant too, so she understands please help. I keep going to church and praying to God, but I don’t know what to do I considered giving the baby up for adoption, but I’m 39 and I just always wanted a family. The fairytale just seems like I’ll never be able to get it. Of course he plays the victim, but the victim is really me and the Babies may the first baby just rest in peace. 😓😇