Am I right to feel disrespected?

We dont give our 3 year old refind sugar, have always had a strong stance on it that our family are well aware of. Our Daughter went to a show yesterday with her grandparents. On the way home my MIL rang my husband, who was at work at the time and let him know that she gave our daughter a small share of her ice cream because she was crying for it (apparently)
My daughter has since told me she actually had her own ice cream cone and ate the whole thing and wasn't asked to share at all

I feel as though the grandparents over stepped, they should have respected our rules as parents, my husband thinks its fine because "they told us" - I think they lied about the real situation and it also bothers me they went through my husband rather than having a conversation with me.
We already have a rocky relationship with them due to over stepped boundaries in the past.
Thoughts?

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I would be extremely upset about this. Even if they had shared I still would be mad because they know your rule so why were they eating ice cream in front of your child to begin with for her to even cry for it? Then to lie about what happened and give your child a whole ice cream when you don’t do sugar at all is infuriating. Rules are rules.

NO YOU HAVE ALL THE RIGHT TO BE UPSET

Opinions on sugar aside, they did something you asked them not to and then lied to you about it. That’s not safe for your daughter or constructive for her to learn “it’s okay with grandma”. Now that your daughter has told you it will likely turn into them coercing your daughter into lying to you about things they don’t want you to know. It’s disrespectful and dangerous. Your husband likely “thinks it’s fine” because he doesn’t want to start a fight. I would try to stop or heavily limit unsupervised visits with MIL until it is clear that boundaries are to be understood and respected.
I give my kid sugar, she had her chance to decide about her kids, but no one but you and your husband should be able to tell you how to parent. They don’t have to like it, but if they don’t respect it they’re teaching your daughter it’s not worth respecting.

I’ll play the other side. If you want someone else to watch your kiddo, you gotta let this go. It’s ok if the grandparents aren’t militant with her. She will live and this is also apart of the fun of being with her grandparents. Otherwise they just won’t tell you anything when they are together. Also how old is your daughter that she can’t have an ice cream but she’s old enough to tell you about it. Just relax. It’s sugar, not cocaine.

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