mourning pre kids era
anyone else mourning and missing their life before they had kids? I love my baby so much but i’m already 11 months pp and this feeling has never left. I miss who i was so bad, i miss my old body, i miss being in school and i miss going out with my friends. I miss being free, I miss seeing other people, I miss not having so many responsibilities. This has been so hard. I feel like no part of my old life will ever be the same, i feel trapped, and i feel like i shouldn’t complain because i have a healthy baby and an amazing husband. Why why why am i feeling so sad and miserable and why can’t i just accept my current life without constantly thinking about what could’ve been?
just need to vent since i have no one i can talk to about the subject and i just need to let it out
so backstory, i’ve been in a relationship since january of last year and he proposed like three months in and i said yes since i actually felt loved for once.. fast forward to june, the first incident was he texted “hey sexy” to an old fling or whoever idfk but there wasn’t any texts after. i find out a month later when i went through his texts and found it in the blocked section, i confront him and he says he did it cause he was feeling lonely which is funny cause it was when he broke his ankle and i was taking care of his ass but whatever. i think that same month or the next he convinced me to have a baby even though i kept saying that we should wait (started thinking last month that he just wanted to baby trap me so i wouldn’t leave him) but anyways, everything is fine for the most part i guess until may after i gave birth and i was the only one taking care of the baby at night and basically doing all the work in general which was draining me a lot. a couple weeks after my baby was born, he finally offered to take night shifts every other day (lasted less than a week and i am still the only one taking care of the baby at night) but anyways, fast forward again to the beginning of the june, my mom finally kicks him out for not having a job and not even helping around the house. the same week where he lies about being in the shower for over an hour and half (i know he wasn’t in it since i checked on him twice and he wasn’t even in the shower but he doesn’t know that) and then he lied about being laid off from a job he literally started the week prior, i think he either quit or just got fired (mind you, he basically hasn’t had a job our whole relationship besides maybe a month total spread out through the year and half) but that’s when i started getting suspicious again and eventually went through his phone again like two weeks after to see if he was hiding anything else and i found a tab open on porn and a sexchat on his history… i confront him about it and he says that he’s been very horny (we hadn’t had sex since the beginning of may since i literally gave birth) and that he’s sorry and bla bla bla but it’s ironic since he literally said he found it gross or something. oh another issue is he’s just always on his damn phone and i just feel neglected.. but anyways, idk if i can ever trust him again and atp it barely even feels like we’re a couple. we barely kiss or have any physical contact and i just feel so unwanted… this baby is literally the only thing keeping me alive and is honestly the best thing that’s ever came into my life but this is the end of my vent i guess, thank you for listening, the end.✨
sorry if some of this doesn’t make sense, these aren’t all the details but i’m bad at long texts so this is basically the gist of it💀
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