Falling out of love or just a difficult time?
I gave birth to our daughter 8 weeks ago, the whole pregnancy was awful, i spent most days depressed, asleep, nauseous and my sex drive decreased, i think we only had sex maybe 3 times since finding out i was pregnant.
I’ve been with my partner for 2 years and two months now, the start of the relationship was great, he was loving, caring, he was smiley, and we would always go out and have days out doing stuff we loved, 1 year in and he started to become a little bit more grumpy, i could say this was stress from work but we didn’t have our own place so he didn’t have to work to pay rent (he does now and takes most of the rent because my maternity pay is so bad), when he leaves for work he doesn’t do a goodbye kiss or say I love you, I don’t remember the last time he said I love you without it being me prompting him by saying it first, the only time he will hug me or be close is when we are in bed but that’s rare because he gets too hot and then moves away, I don’t remember the last time he said I was beautiful, I know I haven’t had the effort for the past 11 months now to get dressed and look nice everyday however. He walks around like someone just slapped him all the time, he’s moody, he seems to get very irritated very fast, and I’ve told him since giving birth maybe four times that the way he acts does not make me feel loved, but he doesn’t change and I’m fed up when I’m upset and he asks what is wrong having to explain myself over and over again how unloved he makes me feel
I know it’s a difficult time with a newborn (who is extremely unsettled and possible colic and reflux) but he has been like this for a good while before she was born. I love him, and I don’t want to leave him, but I also don’t want to spend my life tied to someone who doesn’t make me feel loved. I’m starting to question if it’s because I haven’t engaged in sex with him for a while that perhaps he has gone off me, I’m not even too sure why I have because I can masterbate no problem.
I’m also not sure if it was the pregnancy that put him off, I always wanted a child, he said he always wanted to have a family, but I have pcos and my periods were becoming increasingly irregular or just not there, so I was panicking that i would eventually lose my period and never have a baby so perhaps I pushed a baby on him too soon when we weren’t in such a position and had to fix our position to get a house in such a short time
I also feel guilty that if I was to leave, our daughter would have a split household. I’m not sure if I should just suck it up and deal with living a life of having to repeat myself over and over again, pretend that everything is fine, or leave despite loving him so much. I know if I was to leave, I wouldn’t try persue anyone else because every relationship I’ve ever had has always ended with my feeling so unloved, it’s like they give up and stop putting effort in.
Am I not worthy of love, am I the problem since every relationship I’ve had has ended in the same way
