Newly Single Mother
I officially became a newly single mom before my daughter has even arrived.
What started as me simply asking, “What’s wrong?” turned into being called selfish and ungrateful because I didn’t offer to pay for one meal, even though I had paid for my own food. I kept telling him that if he had just said, “I was hurt that you didn’t offer,” I would’ve received that completely differently. Instead, it became an attack on my character.
The hardest part wasn’t even the argument. It was realizing that throughout my pregnancy, I felt like my efforts were erased. I’ve still been working full time at 38 weeks, dealing with my own financial struggles, trying to prepare for our daughter, checking in on him, paying for things when I could, letting him use my car for work, and trying to show appreciation in the ways I knew how. Yet one moment became proof, in his eyes, that I was selfish.
I also realized we communicate very differently. I believe in saying, “This hurt my feelings,” instead of labeling someone’s character. I believe if you need something, ask. He felt I should’ve just known. We spent hours trying to prove our own perspectives instead of asking, “How do we fix this?” or even, “Do we still want to?”
The biggest heartbreak is that this isn’t how I imagined my pregnancy ending. I wanted this season to be full of excitement as we prepared to welcome our baby girl. Instead, it ended with the relationship ending.
At the end of it all, I realized what matters most to me is the kind of environment I want my daughter to grow up in. I want her to have a loving, supportive, emotionally safe home. Whether that’s with two parents together or two parents co-parenting separately, I don’t want her growing up watching resentment, scorekeeping, or feeling like love has to be earned.
I’m sad this is how things turned out, but I’m also at peace knowing I don’t want to stay in a relationship where we keep having the same painful conversations. Now my focus is on meeting my little girl and giving her the love and stability she deserves.
To any other moms who’ve become single during pregnancy or right before giving birth—how did you navigate those first few weeks emotionally while also adjusting to motherhood?
Would you take your husband with you if;
We were planning to go on a beach trip with my colleagues by coach this weekend. At first my husband didn’t want to come, but now he’s considering it - although he said he’d stay separate from everyone ( he has mental health issues)
My mum thinks it would be better if he came so he could help with the kids, but realistically I don’t think that’s how it would play out. I feel like it would actually stress me out more, because I’d be worrying about him as well — whether he’s okay, how he’s feeling, etc. and also he’s not very helpful with the kids anyway and gets stressed and spirals.
Also, I don’t think he’d come on the coach, so we would probably have to drive separately. That’s fine, but I’ve already paid for the coach for myself and the kids 😅
I think I’d also feel a bit awkward having him there with my colleagues, especially as some of them already know a bit about what’s going on since I had to adjust shifts and mention that he’s not well.
But I just feel so guilty like he’s missing out on his kids? As we don’t usually do beach days
