Does it ever get easier?
Me and my husband have been together for 13 years. We have been going through a rough patch for a few years now. I have struggled with my weight my entire life and he knows that. I have been trying to lose weight and was succeeding. I put on a lot of weight during covid and lost around 5 stone. I told my husband i lost more than i had. We agreed to have a baby, I was not at goal weight which he wanted me to be at before he would consider having a baby even the weight I told him I was wasn't my goal weight but during pregnancy I told him the truth and he has held it against me ever since. Immediately he wanted me to have an abortion as he no longer trusted me because I lied about my weight.
He wants me to change and as much as I try I cannot be the person he wants me to be. He says I have issues with attention to detail, strategic and critical thinking, consistency. He says i am chaotic and unorganised. He says I have memory issues and lack cognitive and executive function.
I have zero help around the house, I do all the cooking and cleaning and now I look after my little one 24/7.
He thinks I have adhd which i am on the waiting list for an assessment. I personally dont think I have it but there is no harm getting an assessment to check right?
I forget things like any other normal mother would. I keep saying I have too much to do but if I ask him to take over tasks it gives me more work as I have to write instructions on how to do the simplest of things like maintaining the dishwasher....
He is vile to me, he tells me I am useless, that i cant do anything right. He also thinks my LO is a fussy child. She sleeps through the night and is pretty good with her naps during the day. I dont think she is that fussy at all.
I am at my wits end... does it ever get easier? My LO is 9 months old, will it get better when I go back to work or shall I just rip off the band aid and end my marriage now?
I dont know what i want from writing this... maybe just the chance to vent or someone to tell me everything will get better!
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Wow this is really hard to read, I am so sorry your partner is not supportive and seems to be dismissive/negative towards you and your LO.
I think if you haven’t already it might be a good time to calmly sit together and you explain your feelings to him.
I find it helps to communicate even the difficult stuff, as long as you do it respectfully and without argument. For example you can say “when you say XXX, it makes me feel XXX”. If his responses aren’t what you are hoping for, it will give you clarity on your feelings and path as to what to do next.
I hope things improve soon!
When you are committed to someone; you accept them for all that they are, you wouldn't change anything about them. You love them for who they are and the fact he wants you to change for him is absurd.
The way he seems to act tells me that he doesn't understand what it means to love, as he shouldn't be treating you in such a way.
You should sit down with him and explain how things are making you feel.. have a conversation - not an argument. He needs to listen and change his ways. If he won't and has been given the chance to, then honestly it is better to leave and move on and be happier in the longrun rather than stay and feel constantly belittled or less than.
You're doing an amazing job, you shouldn't have to change yourself for anyone but YOU!
You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. ❤️
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