Co-parenting Issues
I have a son who’s under one. And me and his dad split before he was born. All we do is argue and it’s getting me so down I am getting to breaking point.
We live 30 minutes between each other and for logistic reasons I chose a nursery near me so I can still get to work on time and it’s easy to get to. He isn’t happy about this wanted me to have one nearer him or in his town. He doesn’t pay for any of the nursery fees due to funding not come yet im paying a full £1800 a month. Any milk nappies ect I have take to nursery. We try meet half way on swap overs or I drop him off at his house.
I work full time and because he complains about fuel and affording anything I suggest him have 3 nights a week including a weekend day so I also have a weekend day. Every week he has ago at me saying I’m taking his son away from family or has something on so I end up giving my weekend day up. I have lent him so much money he can’t afford fuel or much for our son so I’m basically providing for two households. He just wants more money and more weekend with our son so I just end up with a couple of hours on evening in the week day with him.
I don’t know what to do anymore he gets so nasty and I’m so scared of him. He flips out so quickly with me and all I’ve done is help where I can. I want my son to have his dad in his life but I a physically, financially and emotionally burnt out. What do I do?
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Honestly... I would offer the 3 days (1 weekend day) if his unavailable or can't afford to meet you half way that's his issue... if he doesn't like the arrangement tell him to take you to court... time with his Mum is also important. Don't get me wrong flexibility is good if it works both ways and suits you both. Stop giving him money... it's his responsibility not yours! If he can't make the effort it doesn't fall to you. Screen shot any nasty messages and start keeping evidence in case he does take you to court. If his behaviour becomes a problem get a restraining order, it's not good for your child or you! It's better to go down this route now than when your little one can realise what's going on. You've done more than enough to try and accommodate put you both first and let him work it out on his own 🤗
I feel you honestly. I'm trying to co-parent my 11 month old and we split up before our baby was born too.
I'm just getting so fed up of asking him to see her and his responses are always that he's busy, has plans or needs time for himself. It's just exhausting and as much as I would love to just cut him out altogether I also don't want my daughter growing up without a dad 😔
Stop doing it. I think you’re being too accommodating. If he wants to see his kid, he will, if he doesn’t, that’s on him.
My child’s dad tried complaining that I won’t do drops to facilitate child contact, but when he’s the primary care giver or it’s 50/50, happy to change my approach, but otherwise no. Same with the nursery/childminder, I’m the primary caregiver so no, childcare and schooling will be located near her primary residence which is my address.
Same with money, I’m not paying for anything that he needs and I expect child maintenance because again, I’m the primary caregiver, I’m the one making the career/salary sacrifices and I’m the one funding the majority of her needs.
I think you’re being way too good to this man. I think he’s taking the absolute piss, and I think standing your ground is for the best because you sound like someone who’s very resourceful and independent, so you don’t need him. Like I said if he wants to be in his kids life, he will. If he doesn’t, then he was always that kind of arsehole and it’s inevitable he’ll let his kid down anyway.
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