How can I stop being angry?

I’m a SAHM and I’m also WFH but don’t get time to get work done around toddler.

Long story short: husband is never home during the week and always doing other shit on weekends (HIS hobbies). We are neglected often. It’s always me and the kids. Been voicing to him for AGES I need a fucking break because my mental health is fucked. 2 weeks ago I decided to tell him that from now on, he will have our son 1 day every weekend and I’ll go do whatever I want. He agreed.

Today was the first day that was meant to happen. I made plans to go to the gym, then go and work from a cafe.

Last minute he ends up going to work (doesn’t usually work Saturdays but boss “begged” him) he said yes. Ok fine, but then I expect him to finish 11am, come home and take over for the day. He calls me and tells me he’s off to do his fucking hobbies while our son takes his day nap and he will take him after. And then later he’s gonna go out and do his hobbies again so I’ll get a few hours kid free but that’s it. It was meant to be the whole damn day.

I’m fucking angry. He ruined my day and my mental health is in the fucking drain.

He’s done fuck all to make up for it. Matter of fact he’s ignored my messages but I’m glad he did cos it was me being angry and I don’t need his petty reactions back.

But I’m so angry it’s ruined my fucking day. He’s taking our son for a few hours this afternoon (wow how crazy) but how am I supposed to enjoy my kid free time now when I’m angry as all fuck?

How can I let go of the anger? How can I turn the day around? Am I overreacting? What can be done to resolve this issue? I fucking hate him right now.

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This is ontop of a whole other bunch of shit too. Every weekend he’s not home. I have to take our youngest everywhere with me even to my own personal appointments/procedures. I’m just fucking done.

Girl this makes me want to leave for you because you are already doing it all alone do you really need to be with someone who's not even there? I say this from a place of love not judgment. You are bearing the burden of responsibility all on your own and you're not really an at home mom because you are working!!!! If you are wanting to fix it you need to go to therapy and you will both need to sit down and find a plan where you can actually sit down and be a human and not just someone who is responsible for the house the kids and another job!

Should probably stop calling him Husband or s father his actually a house mate at this point. Checked out of being a Husband or a dad.
Have you sat him down 1:1 and said you are ready to divorce if he doesn't do couples therapy?

I'm in the same boat as you, except my baby is only two months old and I'm already feeling the strain on my mental health. I'm supposed to WFH but I'm lagging behind with having to take care of an infant, our dog and the house in general, and my husband is almost never home and when he is, he's "too tired" to even hold the baby, let alone stay with her for long enough to allow me a couple of hours break once in a while.

I think the best thing to do is just try and take advantage of the few hours you have to yourself today. Even if you're angry now, once you take some distance you might find yourself able to breathe and think more clearly. Don't let the opportunity for a little break slip away.

As for the issue in general, it's hard to give advice unfortunately. People say "just talk to your partner" but what I've found personally is that I have to repeat it a dozen times before he actually processes what I'm trying to communicate.

in our community

Weaning

Anyone else’s baby already obsessed with food. She’s just turned 5 months and we haven’t started weaning but I feel terrible as anytime I’m eating something, she’s constantly reaching to grab a bite

Do you think it was bad?

So I was alone with a baby for 2.5 days , she is almost 9 months and she is in the stage where she only cries and wants me , she is not sleeping well ( maybe teething idk) and today when my partner arrived home he was so happy to see us , he was like “ I missed you bla bla bla “ and hugs ( sweet no?) but I could not help myself but be so tired and annoyed, like I’m happy that you are happy but I’m not , and unfortunately I could not be super happy and all nice , even though I tried , I just gave him the baby and went to the bathroom for as long as possible . Do you think I’m being bad person for that? I feel bad for not greeting him nice but at the same time come ooooon

Should she pay for the broken toy?

So my SIL has older kids (11 and 13) they came over to visit for my son’s birthday earlier. Last week he had gotten a smaller bouncy house for inside from my parents, It’s supposed to only be for smaller kids.

My husband and I weren’t paying attention since we were getting food and what not ready. While we were doing that her kids had gone in the bouncy house and with the weight it popped/broke. When my husband mentioned that it was $100 and that they could either give us the money for it or just buy another one, she didn’t want to. Said it was an accident (I know it kinda was) and that her kids didn’t know better.

Should she buy/pay for a new one? Or do I just get him a new one myself?

I'm feeling so overwhelmed. My not usually fussy baby has been crying and whining all day today. I took him out for a walk.

Now it's bedtime and he's screaming his lungs out. I haven't eaten. I'm hungry and I am tired and I can't deal with him right now. Husband is working.

Went out last night for a girls night.

I haven’t gone out for drinks in such a long time. But when I told me kids they wanted to come along.

Apparently one of my daughters fell asleep on my side of the bed, to wait for me lol. And this morning she yelled mommy like she hasn’t seen me in a week and keeps telling me she loves me.

Makes me feel guilty but I needed a break from always being home. We go to the park but it’s not the same.

Worried mama

As a mother I’m becoming very concerned about a pattern I’m noticing with my son. Whenever he gets home from nursery he seems to have emotional melt downs, that he’ll then pin on something else. But as a mother I cannot shake the feeling that this is him falling apart after the day he’s had at nursery.

But whenever we pick him the feedback is always ‘He had a fantastic day’ and my son would also be all smiley and jumpey (and that was the case today) asides the odd day where they have something to report. But the moment we get home, or sometimes even in the car he will break down over something so minuscule, like he was looking for an outlet to cry. And it bothers me so much and this isn’t a one-off it’s a pattern.

Sometimes he will willingly give the info, immediately we ask ‘how was nursery’ the first thing he’ll say “so and so pushed me today” but others time it’s like pulling teeth… and it bothers me because I believe me and my husband have created an environment where he should feel safe to express himself but I guess he is 4 years old and this is developmentally appropriate for his age.

Before we got to the point of him just telling us, it took some persistence. One evening we just sat him down and we asked and probed and got him to talk to us and we were shocked by some of the stuff he revealed and also shocked he just hasn’t been saying anything to us. Which I then took up in nursery and it was only after then, they started to tell me about when he got into altercations with people, because I demanded to know about every single thing that is happening to him and that he may also be doing. So can’t blame me that I’m not so trusting, because had I not gotten it out my son it would always be “He had a fantastic day”

Anyway today, he had another episode. He got back and wanted some crackers that he had in the morning before he left for nursery this morning (so random) and he starts crying so hysterically looking for his crackers and my son is sensitive and such a crier 🫩 but I was like nah this isn’t about crackers, this is him having an emotional collapse after his day at nursery. And this was after he saw me. His dad did the pickup today and he had already told him in the car that one of his classmates threw play-doh at him.

Just kinda worried about him and what’s going on there, and just how terrified he seems to express himself. He starts reception in September, this does not give me peace of mind at all. We also believe our son to be on the ASD spectrum so I wonder if that plays a role in his sensitivity and expressiveness.