Worried mama

As a mother I’m becoming very concerned about a pattern I’m noticing with my son. Whenever he gets home from nursery he seems to have emotional melt downs, that he’ll then pin on something else. But as a mother I cannot shake the feeling that this is him falling apart after the day he’s had at nursery.

But whenever we pick him the feedback is always ‘He had a fantastic day’ and my son would also be all smiley and jumpey (and that was the case today) asides the odd day where they have something to report. But the moment we get home, or sometimes even in the car he will break down over something so minuscule, like he was looking for an outlet to cry. And it bothers me so much and this isn’t a one-off it’s a pattern.

Sometimes he will willingly give the info, immediately we ask ‘how was nursery’ the first thing he’ll say “so and so pushed me today” but others time it’s like pulling teeth… and it bothers me because I believe me and my husband have created an environment where he should feel safe to express himself but I guess he is 4 years old and this is developmentally appropriate for his age.

Before we got to the point of him just telling us, it took some persistence. One evening we just sat him down and we asked and probed and got him to talk to us and we were shocked by some of the stuff he revealed and also shocked he just hasn’t been saying anything to us. Which I then took up in nursery and it was only after then, they started to tell me about when he got into altercations with people, because I demanded to know about every single thing that is happening to him and that he may also be doing. So can’t blame me that I’m not so trusting, because had I not gotten it out my son it would always be “He had a fantastic day”

Anyway today, he had another episode. He got back and wanted some crackers that he had in the morning before he left for nursery this morning (so random) and he starts crying so hysterically looking for his crackers and my son is sensitive and such a crier 🫩 but I was like nah this isn’t about crackers, this is him having an emotional collapse after his day at nursery. And this was after he saw me. His dad did the pickup today and he had already told him in the car that one of his classmates threw play-doh at him.

Just kinda worried about him and what’s going on there, and just how terrified he seems to express himself. He starts reception in September, this does not give me peace of mind at all. We also believe our son to be on the ASD spectrum so I wonder if that plays a role in his sensitivity and expressiveness.

in our community

People bringing their ACTIVELY sick children to playgroups is why I choose nature first for our son

Before anyone says anything, yes I'm aware kids get sick... No shit. Doesn't mean we all bring our sick children to playgroups just because it happens.

Also yes I'm aware of building immunity, doesn't mean our son and other children need to build sleepless nights because of someone's lack of judgement. Especially immune compromised children. NOTE I said ACTIVELY sick and specifically state playgroups that are NOT mandatory for parents. You can sit out for one week if your child is ACTIVELY sick. Just thought I would be specific in what I'm saying so no one goes off topic and says "well you can't keep them in for every sniffle" not what I'm talking about. To finish any comments saying "well don't go to playgroups then" will be blocked. Shouldn't have to avoid them because someone wants to bring a newly sick child in 🤷🏼‍♀️ I have avoided playgroups when my son was sick for 2 weeks to be sure, because I'm my area Mums bring their newborns...not that hard. For now we will be doing small nature walks 🌲
Sincerely,
Frustrated parent with a toddler waking up coughing all night 😮‍💨

Postpartum rage

1230am here- just had a meltdown and cried hysterically to my husband. My son who is now down to one feeding per night, woke up at 1120pm just as I was falling asleep. I tried my hardest to settle as I knew it wasn’t hunger. He got louder and I lost it. I came out storming to the kitchen to get a bottle (he only had .5 oz) and layed back down and just lost it. I’m exhausted, the balance of toddler and baby is insane, I haven’t had an hour to myself in months, I have no adult interaction all day, my husband works long hours, I have no one checking up on me. My rage is through the roof. The crying is getting to me this time around. It feels never ending and like the walls are closing in as the cries get louder. I need help. I need to escape and recharge. My husband no longer recognizes me, heck I don’t either. I keep it together in front of of the kids and let it out as soon as they’re backs are turned and then put a fake smile on. I love my children dearly but, I know I’m not ok. This is not joyful for me at this time. I need to know this will pass and I will be better for my children and my marriage.

Co-parenting Issues

I have a son who’s under one. And me and his dad split before he was born. All we do is argue and it’s getting me so down I am getting to breaking point.

We live 30 minutes between each other and for logistic reasons I chose a nursery near me so I can still get to work on time and it’s easy to get to. He isn’t happy about this wanted me to have one nearer him or in his town. He doesn’t pay for any of the nursery fees due to funding not come yet im paying a full £1800 a month. Any milk nappies ect I have take to nursery. We try meet half way on swap overs or I drop him off at his house.

I work full time and because he complains about fuel and affording anything I suggest him have 3 nights a week including a weekend day so I also have a weekend day. Every week he has ago at me saying I’m taking his son away from family or has something on so I end up giving my weekend day up. I have lent him so much money he can’t afford fuel or much for our son so I’m basically providing for two households. He just wants more money and more weekend with our son so I just end up with a couple of hours on evening in the week day with him.

I don’t know what to do anymore he gets so nasty and I’m so scared of him. He flips out so quickly with me and all I’ve done is help where I can. I want my son to have his dad in his life but I a physically, financially and emotionally burnt out. What do I do?

What is everyone’s arrangement with grandparents? In terms of food

My child’s father’s mum has offered to help looking after my little one for three days a week,and I am so so appreciative. I’m not happy as he should be doing it, and having my daughter there means yet again everything is coming out of my pocket. She lives fairly fair away which is costing £20 in travel and obviously time.

I sent my daughter with eveything in terms of snacks, fruit, yogurt drinks and, thought she would feed my daughter as she eats too!
However she has asked me to now bring food for her!

I’m not too clear on other situations but I felt it was quite odd as she offered and I would think that a grandparent would at least cook their grandchild a meal.
Don’t get me wrong I really appreciate it I’m just worried about me spreading myself too thin and finding myself losing out too much for the help.

Her son is worthless so when my daughter is with him I’m paying for things, cause he never has money yet, and when she’s her her nan I’m paying and when she’s with me I’m paying!!!
Like WTF and I barely have any money anyways!

What’s everyone’s usual arrangement?

Whilst potty training what do they sleep in?

My 2.5yo has been potty training for just under a month now & is doing really well with both pees & poos on the potty (even emptying her potty into the loo herself, flushing & washing her hands - so proud🥹🥰)

I don't know whether or not I'm doing the process a disservice by allowing her to still sleep in a nappy but I'm unsure how to go about nighttime as she still wakes up with a full nappy.

Any tips/advice?

Husband's secretary😅

I think I am not very GEN Z and progressive as so many other women 😅 my husband entered a business partnership 1,5 years ago and started having so much workload (which is a financially good thing) that he wasn't able to keep up with emails and calls anymore and started slacking in the growth of the business. What we did then was, I was basically his secretary and doing some help for him here and there and he was "paying me" for that for much more money per hour you would usually get. We took it also with spice and humour and would constantly flirt on phone calls and the payslips he sent me on my email contained spicy stuff and even on the wages transfer etc. It was fun times. Then basically I was heavily pregnant and was less reliable and he found a way to keep paying that money to me and even doubled it even though I didnt help him anymore so financially it was amazing still.

Now he got a new secretary because he is still drowning in the work and they are on video call all day the whole week so far because he has to train her in and share his desktop and work accounts and stuff and they have to go together through phone calls and my husband is an extremely casual boss. He makes jokes all the time, he is just his usual self, when she makes mistakes he is very understanding and gentle on her and she laughs about the jokes etc. And I am so thankful to my husband for everything. The calls happen with me present often and he is completely transparent and apart from that I trust him from the bottom of my heart.

But there is still this little pinch, an ouchie 😅 I used to be with him on these calls and working with him etc and he never worked with any woman together before, he only ever used to be in jobs where all colleagues were male.

I don't know, am I normal for feeling a tiny "ouchie" when I ask him how his day at work went and he replies: "Yeah good, I was with *name* on the videocall all day". 🫠😂

Pls tell me I am normal and women experience this without a lack of trust or self confidence 😅🙏🏼