MIL help

In my spare time to make some extra money I drive uber to help my partner pay for my school yesterday was the first time sense I was hospitalized for pp complications my MIL watched our son. She was with him for only 4 hours, he’s 5 weeks 2 days and when my partner went to pick him up after his shift at work was over she said to him “if she can’t get him to stop crying just to be held I’m not watching him for you guys anymore” I’ve been told my multiple ppl and everything I’ve read says he’s simply just not old enough to self regulate yet. So now my partner feels like I’ve “spoiled him” and wants me to let him “cry it out” sense his mom is adamant that’s what she did with her 2 sons but it hurts my heart to let him sit there and cry when all he wants is comfort. Any advice or thoughts on what to do… me and him are very good with communication but this seems to have caused a disconnect and I feel like I’m being blamed for a new born crying when that’s simply what they do.

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Tell ur MIL to stick it where the sun don’t shine, do not go against what you want for your baby no matter what anyone says❤️

The cry it out method is being banned in some placed in Europe because it can lead to psychological repercussions apparently..... 🙄 so maybe re-iterare that to your husband, as for your MIL sounds like a her problem if she cant calm your baby. Its also none of her business how you parent your NEWBORN baby.

Babies have to learn to self-soothe. Hes only 5 weeks ffs if you want to hold him and snuggle him its your god given right, you brought him into this world.

I dont particularly believe in the cry ot out method. My aunt told me to do it with both my kids and I blantly said no. I do let them cry for a minute hut if they dknt calm i pick them up. And if theu are sleeping I try giving them their soother, and rubbing their back or cheek, or putting my.hand on their chest but if he uncomfortable I comfort him
Babies still need comfort. Studies show how important skin to skin is.

Honestly, the whole self soothing thing. I don't personally recommend it, my son. Personally, I let himself self sooth, and I feel like he has a hard time doing this now. He's nine. I I have to, you know, attend to him more so than I would if my daughter, which is younger to calmdown, so like the whole thing, letting them cry and cry it out. I mean that is definitely a preference, but me personally, it didn't work for me. If anything I feel like it messed up, my kids' emotions and regulating. Hope they helps 🙏

He's 5 weeks old, what was she expecting? Babies cry all the time and they need a lot of comfort, insane to think someone would call comforting a baby 'spoiling them'. I feel sorry for her children because clearly they were neglected from a very young age.

In her defense, I believe it was normal back in the day to do the cry it out method so she was probably doing what everyone else was and doesn't see anything wrong with it. The fact that you don't want to do that should be enough for them both, but maybe try to gently share some new research about baby development, maybe that could help?

in our community

What would you do

Growing up, I’d say my mom was semi neglectful. She’d do a food shop, but never make us food. As young children we’d only eat something that was already made, most of the time just pre-packaged snacks and very rarely proper meals. Emotionally she was unavailable, spent most of her weekends with friends while we were shipped to my dads/grandmas. When she was home, her head was in her phone, and it was impossible to get conversation out of her. Our relationship was so rocky for a while, but in recent years we’re on good terms now I have my own house and family.

When she first offered to have my child overnight, everything was fine. She’d have him once a month and this worked for about a year. But after that things have started to go downhill. He returns and his clothes smell of cigarette smoke, even more so after she’s washed them. So I asked her to just return his dirty clothes and I’d wash them at home. She took this really personally, but agreed. Even clean spare clothes I sent over there come back smelly. I’ll ask her what he’s eaten and she often lists snacks and sweets. My toddler is a really good eater so would eat a meal she gave him. I’ll often call when he’s there to find out what he’s eaten, and when I tell her to give him a proper meal she’ll ask him if he wants it, as if it’s not a given that he’ll want proper food. When she drops him back off at home, his nappy is often really full and on the verge of leaking. This is all things I’ve talked to her about before and explained I’m not happy with.

What’s really got me was today she has dropped my 6 month old baby home, soaking wet in sweat. He had on a sleepsuit, and when I picked him up out of the car seat he was so wet I thought his nappy had exploded but no, he was sweating. I asked if she’d had aircon on in the car (given the current heat) and she said no. I flipped and lost it. I don’t feel comfortable leaving her to care for them anymore which is unfortunate as I think she has good intentions but is not able to carry out the care they need. I feel so disappointed in her for letting me down and in myself for hoping she had changed. I’ve had so many conversations with her about these things and she always meets me with a condescending “i know how to look after kids i looked after you”

For now my plan is to limit contact to day time and at my house/ public. Which is so sad as she is our only support system.

Should I apologise?

So basically my MIL was meant to come over at 9am. She delayed to 2pm, then 3 pm then 4pm.

When she said it would now be 4pm I said we were heading out to a park around the corner, shady and got a lovely breeze and they could meet us there.

She messaged to say she couldn't do that because going outside in this heat is dangerous and she will meet us at the house. (25 degrees)

I then said my children were climbing the walls so we were heading out and we would love to see her there or we could reschedule to a cooler day.

She didn't come and told my partner I need to apologise because I hurt her feelings.

His dark cloud is affecting us all

My partner had a mental breakdown recently and he's really struggling. He's trying hard but he just can't seem to find any joy in life or stop worrying about things..
I'm trying really hard to be supportive and make sure he doesn't have any stresses but it's really starting to get to me now. I feel numb, I am tired, I am moody, I can't be bothered. I feel like I am being snappy at the kids or just ignoring them. Then I feel guilty. I want to cry but I can't even summon tears tbh. His family have been supportive and he has been reaching out to people for help but I still feel overwhelmed. I am worried about him and I feel like I am not able to help him.
I'm tired.

Thank you for reading, maybe I just needed to vent.

Daycare

If you choose not to send your 2-year-old to daycare since you are at home and don't work but your mother in law and her family members took it upon themselves to register him what would you do? Especially after saying countless times your not sending your child to daycare.

Boy mom to future mother in law

I hope I’m not alone in feeling like this, and I hope this post doesn’t make me the icky sort of boy mom I have a fear of becoming.

I am a mom to only boys, so in the future I may find myself being someone’s mother in law, and grandma on the dad’s side. Being a mother myself, I know how much I felt like I wanted my mom in that postpartum period, and the early years of my boys life. I haven’t spoke to him about it but I wondered if my partner also felt the same way. Naturally I went to my own mother for advice, help and support, my mother in law often being a last resort. I noticed I did this with my first and swore to myself to not abandon or neglect her with my second, although it was completely unintentional the first time around. I know mother in laws get a bad rep for unsolicited advice, unwelcomed visits and so on, and I never want to be that mother in law. My own mother in law respected our boundaries, if anyone pushed them it was often my own mother.

Part of me mourns a future where my sons with probably not need me in those times as much as their partner needs their mother, and I know that’s okay, I know that’s how I felt. I’m not the sort of person who would demand to see a baby or show up unnanounced, if they asked me to stay away I would. I don’t know what the point in writing this is, I guess I just wondered if any other boy moms felt the same way.

Opinion pls.

Child’s father is in another state, once I’m in active labor he’d either catch a flight or drive down here (10-11 hr drive)

Usually ppl are in the hospital for 1-2 days. He is only coming to see the baby then going home i believe. Isn’t that pointless? Or not really? I’m a first time mom so I’m trying to time everything

(To add to the post he is only coming to see baby in the hospital, once discharged he’ll be making his way back on the road)