Equal parenting
I’m almost 3 months PP now and I love being a mum, it’s everything I ever dreamed it would be.
However what isn’t is the lack of joint responsibility as a parent from my husband. Since Freddie was born I have done every night shift, every bedtime feed/routine, I carry the mental load (bottle prep, bottle washing, nappies, inventory, day trips and feeding times) and he doesn’t seem to understand the weight of carrying it alone. I have worked so hard to establish a good nighttime routine to the point where he is sleeping 7-7 and feeding once in the night and I don’t want him to undo that. There are so many tasks that he could do that could lift the weight off my shoulders but doesn’t and I just feel like I shouldn’t have to spell it out for him.
I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to be less controlling, it’s just hard because he hasn’t shown any interest unless I complain about it and wants to prove a point that he can do it. It’s destroying our friendship and causing far too many arguments.
I'm so conflicted
I've been with my husband for 7 years. We have been married since December of 2024. We had a child together in December of 2023. I started working when my daughter was 3 months old. I am no longer working because daycare was too expensive among other things. My husband pays all the bills. He funds everything. I have no money to fall back on. My husband is a narcissist and I am about to the point where I just can't take it anymore and I'm done waiting for him to change. If I were to break it off with him tomorrow, the only place I would have to go is my mom and dads. I wouldn't even have my own room, or my own bed. Me and my mom would have to share a bed. I would lose my cat's that we have had for several years. And he is the father of my child so I obviously love him for that. He is not a very involved father but he does pay for food diapers etc. he works really hard to take care of us. But I just can't do the gaslighting and the narcissistic behavior anymore. I have recently started going to a faith based celebrate recovery and I am slowly learning about Christianity and faith. And I have had some unexplainable things happen to me. I had a dream that God spoke to me and told me that me and my husband are meant to be and that He was keeping us together. That's why I'm so conflicted. The only job experience I really have is fast food and that's basically it. With that, even working full time, I would not be able to afford daycare and save money to move out into a place of my own. Living at my parents is less than ideal. I want to do everything I can to keep my family together but if he can't change his narcissistic behavior I am no longer going to stand for it. I have let the fear and codependency keep me in this relationship for too long. I don't have any college degree or anything. I am so lost. I don't even know how to prepare to leave him because if I try to get a job again, that will probably cause problems between us. Plus I keep thinking about that dream I had. Why does God want to keep us together? I have been emotionally abused by my parents and now my husband? Why? Should I leave the relationship or should I try to talk to him about his behavior and try to work on things with him? I haven't exactly called him out for being a narcissist but I'm ready to. I'm ready to call him out for everything. But I'm afraid that will result in him breaking it off with me and kicking me out. Then I'll be stuck at my parents and no job, no money. I do have a car that he can't take from me because it belongs to me and my dad. So I could get a job when I leave, but I would have to be able to afford daycare and save up money to get my own place. And I just don't see that happening working at fast food. I want to go to school and get a degree in sonography. I just haven't been able to because I've been raising my daughter, who also has special needs so that complicates things. I would have to pay for daycare because I don't have anyone that is willing or can watch my daughter while I work a full time job. I just want out or I want him to change. And right now it seems like he isn't going to. But why is God keeping us together? I'm so lost. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you in advance
Anyone feels their husbands could do more to help?
I know as moms or wives , we’re the default for most things but sometimes it seems my husband barely lift any weight when it comes on to things around the house.
Most times when things get broken , he says he doesn’t have time to look at it or doesn’t have time to call someone, when we have an issue in our house, he doesn’t have time to look into it - and when I do purchase the solutions I have to ask a million times for him to implement it. Why is this so? What can I do to make things better ? I must be communicating wrong because I don’t feel like he moves to do much and prefers to relax on his phone or watch tv.
I notice this pattern in his home too, his mom and sister handled everything , his dad didn’t even know when something was broken or needed fixing
