I'm so conflicted

I've been with my husband for 7 years. We have been married since December of 2024. We had a child together in December of 2023. I started working when my daughter was 3 months old. I am no longer working because daycare was too expensive among other things. My husband pays all the bills. He funds everything. I have no money to fall back on. My husband is a narcissist and I am about to the point where I just can't take it anymore and I'm done waiting for him to change. If I were to break it off with him tomorrow, the only place I would have to go is my mom and dads. I wouldn't even have my own room, or my own bed. Me and my mom would have to share a bed. I would lose my cat's that we have had for several years. And he is the father of my child so I obviously love him for that. He is not a very involved father but he does pay for food diapers etc. he works really hard to take care of us. But I just can't do the gaslighting and the narcissistic behavior anymore. I have recently started going to a faith based celebrate recovery and I am slowly learning about Christianity and faith. And I have had some unexplainable things happen to me. I had a dream that God spoke to me and told me that me and my husband are meant to be and that He was keeping us together. That's why I'm so conflicted. The only job experience I really have is fast food and that's basically it. With that, even working full time, I would not be able to afford daycare and save money to move out into a place of my own. Living at my parents is less than ideal. I want to do everything I can to keep my family together but if he can't change his narcissistic behavior I am no longer going to stand for it. I have let the fear and codependency keep me in this relationship for too long. I don't have any college degree or anything. I am so lost. I don't even know how to prepare to leave him because if I try to get a job again, that will probably cause problems between us. Plus I keep thinking about that dream I had. Why does God want to keep us together? I have been emotionally abused by my parents and now my husband? Why? Should I leave the relationship or should I try to talk to him about his behavior and try to work on things with him? I haven't exactly called him out for being a narcissist but I'm ready to. I'm ready to call him out for everything. But I'm afraid that will result in him breaking it off with me and kicking me out. Then I'll be stuck at my parents and no job, no money. I do have a car that he can't take from me because it belongs to me and my dad. So I could get a job when I leave, but I would have to be able to afford daycare and save up money to get my own place. And I just don't see that happening working at fast food. I want to go to school and get a degree in sonography. I just haven't been able to because I've been raising my daughter, who also has special needs so that complicates things. I would have to pay for daycare because I don't have anyone that is willing or can watch my daughter while I work a full time job. I just want out or I want him to change. And right now it seems like he isn't going to. But why is God keeping us together? I'm so lost. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you in advance

in our community

Do you think it was bad?

So I was alone with a baby for 2.5 days , she is almost 9 months and she is in the stage where she only cries and wants me , she is not sleeping well ( maybe teething idk) and today when my partner arrived home he was so happy to see us , he was like “ I missed you bla bla bla “ and hugs ( sweet no?) but I could not help myself but be so tired and annoyed, like I’m happy that you are happy but I’m not , and unfortunately I could not be super happy and all nice , even though I tried , I just gave him the baby and went to the bathroom for as long as possible . Do you think I’m being bad person for that? I feel bad for not greeting him nice but at the same time come ooooon

I'm feeling so overwhelmed. My not usually fussy baby has been crying and whining all day today. I took him out for a walk.

Now it's bedtime and he's screaming his lungs out. I haven't eaten. I'm hungry and I am tired and I can't deal with him right now. Husband is working.

Went out last night for a girls night.

I haven’t gone out for drinks in such a long time. But when I told me kids they wanted to come along.

Apparently one of my daughters fell asleep on my side of the bed, to wait for me lol. And this morning she yelled mommy like she hasn’t seen me in a week and keeps telling me she loves me.

Makes me feel guilty but I needed a break from always being home. We go to the park but it’s not the same.

Worried mama

As a mother I’m becoming very concerned about a pattern I’m noticing with my son. Whenever he gets home from nursery he seems to have emotional melt downs, that he’ll then pin on something else. But as a mother I cannot shake the feeling that this is him falling apart after the day he’s had at nursery.

But whenever we pick him the feedback is always ‘He had a fantastic day’ and my son would also be all smiley and jumpey (and that was the case today) asides the odd day where they have something to report. But the moment we get home, or sometimes even in the car he will break down over something so minuscule, like he was looking for an outlet to cry. And it bothers me so much and this isn’t a one-off it’s a pattern.

Sometimes he will willingly give the info, immediately we ask ‘how was nursery’ the first thing he’ll say “so and so pushed me today” but others time it’s like pulling teeth… and it bothers me because I believe me and my husband have created an environment where he should feel safe to express himself but I guess he is 4 years old and this is developmentally appropriate for his age.

Before we got to the point of him just telling us, it took some persistence. One evening we just sat him down and we asked and probed and got him to talk to us and we were shocked by some of the stuff he revealed and also shocked he just hasn’t been saying anything to us. Which I then took up in nursery and it was only after then, they started to tell me about when he got into altercations with people, because I demanded to know about every single thing that is happening to him and that he may also be doing. So can’t blame me that I’m not so trusting, because had I not gotten it out my son it would always be “He had a fantastic day”

Anyway today, he had another episode. He got back and wanted some crackers that he had in the morning before he left for nursery this morning (so random) and he starts crying so hysterically looking for his crackers and my son is sensitive and such a crier 🫩 but I was like nah this isn’t about crackers, this is him having an emotional collapse after his day at nursery. And this was after he saw me. His dad did the pickup today and he had already told him in the car that one of his classmates threw play-doh at him.

Just kinda worried about him and what’s going on there, and just how terrified he seems to express himself. He starts reception in September, this does not give me peace of mind at all. We also believe our son to be on the ASD spectrum so I wonder if that plays a role in his sensitivity and expressiveness.

Baby girl is 4 months!

Hi mamas,

Whatre some things I can do with my baby during tummy time? Toys? Ideas?

How can I stop being angry?

I’m a SAHM and I’m also WFH but don’t get time to get work done around toddler.

Long story short: husband is never home during the week and always doing other shit on weekends (HIS hobbies). We are neglected often. It’s always me and the kids. Been voicing to him for AGES I need a fucking break because my mental health is fucked. 2 weeks ago I decided to tell him that from now on, he will have our son 1 day every weekend and I’ll go do whatever I want. He agreed.

Today was the first day that was meant to happen. I made plans to go to the gym, then go and work from a cafe.

Last minute he ends up going to work (doesn’t usually work Saturdays but boss “begged” him) he said yes. Ok fine, but then I expect him to finish 11am, come home and take over for the day. He calls me and tells me he’s off to do his fucking hobbies while our son takes his day nap and he will take him after. And then later he’s gonna go out and do his hobbies again so I’ll get a few hours kid free but that’s it. It was meant to be the whole damn day.

I’m fucking angry. He ruined my day and my mental health is in the fucking drain.

He’s done fuck all to make up for it. Matter of fact he’s ignored my messages but I’m glad he did cos it was me being angry and I don’t need his petty reactions back.

But I’m so angry it’s ruined my fucking day. He’s taking our son for a few hours this afternoon (wow how crazy) but how am I supposed to enjoy my kid free time now when I’m angry as all fuck?

How can I let go of the anger? How can I turn the day around? Am I overreacting? What can be done to resolve this issue? I fucking hate him right now.