Equal parenting

I’m almost 3 months PP now and I love being a mum, it’s everything I ever dreamed it would be.
However what isn’t is the lack of joint responsibility as a parent from my husband. Since Freddie was born I have done every night shift, every bedtime feed/routine, I carry the mental load (bottle prep, bottle washing, nappies, inventory, day trips and feeding times) and he doesn’t seem to understand the weight of carrying it alone. I have worked so hard to establish a good nighttime routine to the point where he is sleeping 7-7 and feeding once in the night and I don’t want him to undo that. There are so many tasks that he could do that could lift the weight off my shoulders but doesn’t and I just feel like I shouldn’t have to spell it out for him.
I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to be less controlling, it’s just hard because he hasn’t shown any interest unless I complain about it and wants to prove a point that he can do it. It’s destroying our friendship and causing far too many arguments.

in our community

Do you think it was bad?

So I was alone with a baby for 2.5 days , she is almost 9 months and she is in the stage where she only cries and wants me , she is not sleeping well ( maybe teething idk) and today when my partner arrived home he was so happy to see us , he was like “ I missed you bla bla bla “ and hugs ( sweet no?) but I could not help myself but be so tired and annoyed, like I’m happy that you are happy but I’m not , and unfortunately I could not be super happy and all nice , even though I tried , I just gave him the baby and went to the bathroom for as long as possible . Do you think I’m being bad person for that? I feel bad for not greeting him nice but at the same time come ooooon

I'm feeling so overwhelmed. My not usually fussy baby has been crying and whining all day today. I took him out for a walk.

Now it's bedtime and he's screaming his lungs out. I haven't eaten. I'm hungry and I am tired and I can't deal with him right now. Husband is working.

Went out last night for a girls night.

I haven’t gone out for drinks in such a long time. But when I told me kids they wanted to come along.

Apparently one of my daughters fell asleep on my side of the bed, to wait for me lol. And this morning she yelled mommy like she hasn’t seen me in a week and keeps telling me she loves me.

Makes me feel guilty but I needed a break from always being home. We go to the park but it’s not the same.

Worried mama

As a mother I’m becoming very concerned about a pattern I’m noticing with my son. Whenever he gets home from nursery he seems to have emotional melt downs, that he’ll then pin on something else. But as a mother I cannot shake the feeling that this is him falling apart after the day he’s had at nursery.

But whenever we pick him the feedback is always ‘He had a fantastic day’ and my son would also be all smiley and jumpey (and that was the case today) asides the odd day where they have something to report. But the moment we get home, or sometimes even in the car he will break down over something so minuscule, like he was looking for an outlet to cry. And it bothers me so much and this isn’t a one-off it’s a pattern.

Sometimes he will willingly give the info, immediately we ask ‘how was nursery’ the first thing he’ll say “so and so pushed me today” but others time it’s like pulling teeth… and it bothers me because I believe me and my husband have created an environment where he should feel safe to express himself but I guess he is 4 years old and this is developmentally appropriate for his age.

Before we got to the point of him just telling us, it took some persistence. One evening we just sat him down and we asked and probed and got him to talk to us and we were shocked by some of the stuff he revealed and also shocked he just hasn’t been saying anything to us. Which I then took up in nursery and it was only after then, they started to tell me about when he got into altercations with people, because I demanded to know about every single thing that is happening to him and that he may also be doing. So can’t blame me that I’m not so trusting, because had I not gotten it out my son it would always be “He had a fantastic day”

Anyway today, he had another episode. He got back and wanted some crackers that he had in the morning before he left for nursery this morning (so random) and he starts crying so hysterically looking for his crackers and my son is sensitive and such a crier 🫩 but I was like nah this isn’t about crackers, this is him having an emotional collapse after his day at nursery. And this was after he saw me. His dad did the pickup today and he had already told him in the car that one of his classmates threw play-doh at him.

Just kinda worried about him and what’s going on there, and just how terrified he seems to express himself. He starts reception in September, this does not give me peace of mind at all. We also believe our son to be on the ASD spectrum so I wonder if that plays a role in his sensitivity and expressiveness.