Advice please 😭

Hi I don’t really have any friend or family to talk to this about. I’ve been staying home with my two small children for about a year now, except I’m not supposed to be a SAHM. My husband has been begging me to get a job and I am trying to I’m not sure what he expects from me. He currently works one job from noon to 4pm and another from 5pm to midnight. He will not give up either and has asked me to find something with early morning hours for example from 5am-11am. It’s been difficult finding something like that. Even more difficult to make it to an interview since I am the one that always has the kids. We can not afford daycare, the only baby sitter we have is his mother and she works all week 7am- 5pm. I’ve gotten a couple calls about jobs but he just tells me the hours won’t work for us, or that we can figure out something to do with the kids. But I have lost three jobs bc “figuring something out” usually just means I’m taking them to work with me which always results in me losing my job. Along with that my daughter has autism and has weekly OT and speech appointments that he will not take them to. Is there something I’m missing to make a job work? He tells me I’m just being negative about it. I’m truly just feeling stuck about what I need to be doing.

in our community

Beige play and Sensory tables... I don't get it.

I need a rant or perhaps just educating further on this matter.

I do not understand the absolute obsession in nursery's, play cafes and stay and plays with sensory tables and 0 colour.

I have an extremely active 1yr old boy who loves music, playing outside with sticks, stones, pine cones and water. Lots of natural resources. But then he also loves his fisher price little people, balls, bright coloured books and duplo.
He is chaos, noise and an absolute tornado. But he also calmly tidys things on shelves, sits and has story time and is very loving.

We have just come home from one of many stay and plays at a nursery, who are lovely. But they are completely on the band wagon of nothing having any colour and lots of sensory tables.
Firstly, the sensory tables baffle me for under 3s. First of all there are so many choking hazards, but it also seems that it limits play to one location. God forbid my son takes the dinosaurs from the jurassic soft play table over to the music table. How is this encouraging child led play?
The set up seems to limit him to 'stations' and im constantly made to feel like I need to stop his play and imagination if it doesnt match how the room is set up.

Then the beige just feels so dull and boring, especially with no music. I totally agree having every primary colour splattered on every wall is super over stimulating... but none at all?
Can kids not enjoy both? I thought child led play was meant to be exactly that?

This new world of beige and boring makes me feel like im having to mute my wonderful, clever, loud, colourful tornado of a boy.
Has anyone else felt this way or am I really missing something here?

Bit of background- I work in a lovely school that seems to achieve a nice balance.
I absolutely agree with and see the benefits of more station based/ sensory table play for reception children. This is specifically about under 3.
First time mum. Little boy has not attended nursery yet, only nursery led stay and plays.

Family staying once baby arrives?

I’m due in Jan27, we are not sharing our exact due date so we’re not inundated with calls etc. We’ve had some family and friends already ask us when to book holiday from work so they can come up and stay with us to see the baby (some immediate family do work in jobs where they’ll need to book the leave now as rotas are planned so far in advance.) We live about 2-3 hours away from most of our family and close friends.
It’s already making me feel anxious. It will be our first baby, and I really do want to soak in those first few days just us. And after that I’d love visitors, but the thought of people staying over is scaring me. I don’t know why? I love my family and his family and our friends. But I just know I’ll be exhausted and the thought of our house being full just sounds awful. How have other people handled this without pissing off their family and friends.

Meal ideas

Does anyone have any quick and easy dinner ideas for 10 month old??
She loves her food, but I'm not the best cook and I prefer quick and easy but full of goodness recipes than the complex million ingredient ones I've been reading in the weaning books 🫠

Feeling sad about my experience

My son just turned 3 month old 🙌🏻 and I now find myself looking back on his newborn phase and feeling a ton of emotions! The most surprising to me, being anger and sadness… all I’ve ever wanted was to be a mom but I feel like I’ve had a harder go of it than I ever imagined… so I just need to vent! We didn’t get to bond properly because of his complications - I could never get him to latch / I couldn’t produce enough because he had to stay in the nicu - I couldn’t hold him and love on him because of the wires, and the treatment. This is all while I’m still a patient myself but I’m constantly up in that nicu with him… I couldn’t sleep without him near me… he was with me for 9 months and now I’m supposed to “rest and recover” when there’s a missing part of me 2 floors away?? Then I get discharged… walking into my home without my baby…. It felt like a strange empty place.. finally we get to bring him home but again not the way I wanted… he’s got to stay on the light therapy… which means minimal holding… all these moments that are usually so precious to most are so sad to me… my milk never came in… I felt disconnected from my baby… then we have a week where it’s just regular newborn hard which was what I was prepared for! Then here comes colic. He would cry and scream constantly and I would cry because there was nothing I could do to help! And I didn’t want to ask for help because no one wants to hold a screaming baby… but we got through it… now he absolutely refuses to be put down for any amount of time.. even in the car seat… he literally screams so hard he starts to loose his voice.. which means going anywhere is so tedious and I’m stuck at home… and I blame it on that week I couldn’t hold him… suddenly ur out of ur warm save place and taken to a loud, bright, scary place away from the only person u know… that’s traumatic!! And now he still has reflux giving him a hard time!! Though everything I’ve looked at the positives and I still found happy moments but I guess in this moment I’m feeling sorry for what we didn’t get….

Baby pasta

My LO is 8 months and I'm offering him normal pasta in shape of fussilli but found people saying specifically "baby pasta" should I only give him those star shaped ones? Also it is easy to eat anyway? Do you mash it?!! I don't really understand how do you offer them!

Friends

Why is it that my best friend can make time and have gas money to go c her other friends and shit but has only came to c me and my family twice and that's cuz she only needed/wanted my help for her to get a new car. But when she got that car she said she would be able to visit but has yet to make a trip out here and she lives about an hr away but I have made so many attempts to go c her and my niece but now im not sure our friendship is both ways. And im sick of it. (Will check comments after work) just had to vent.