Is there something wrong with me?
My partner is great, he's emotionally mature, understanding, provides as much as he can and he's quite sweet and sentimental. We definitely have a "golden retriever/black cat" dynamic because I am quite blunt, sassy, direct and nonchalant. We've been together for a year and met when I was pregnant (my son's sperm donor has not been in the picture since I ended it at 10 weeks pregnant). I never really expected a relationship to happen when we met but it did and he's got an amazing relationship with my son and sees him as his own. I've struggled with PPD and PPA severely since having my son and he's been there trying his best to help me get through it - like everyone says to me that he's a great man and to keep him etc and I agree, I love him a lot and can't actually see my future without him.
The issue is my actions are not mirroring how I feel in my opinion. I feel like get frustrated with him so easily. We don't live together and because of his work schedule sometimes he's around so much and sometimes I just don't see him. He always says he's going to try to be around more and I think I just keep getting disappointed by him. And he really tries to help when he's here by washing dishes and bottles and cleaning up but a lot of the times the bottles still have dried milk left at the bottom when I go to use them and stuff and it's so frustrating because I keep having to repeat myself - it seems like the time we spend together is me complaining about him offering to do things and then doing it half assed and I feel really bad.
Sometimes when he calls I just don't want to talk because I'm always tired looking after the bubba or he calls me late at night or when I'm trying to sleep and I just find it annoying - I try to be understanding about his work schedule but sometimes I find myself getting annoyed by it and that fact that he doesn't know how to say no to his boss and ends up working ridiculous hours.
We also have little clashes about superficial things like grooming and the clothes that he wears and sometimes hygiene - just stuff like wearing work clothes outside of work and just generally looking presentable when we go to see family or something (but I was raised by a mum who wore heels to the supermarket so that's probably just me 😂) but sometimes I find myself wondering what it would be like to be with someone else who understands these values that I have and I feel bad. I just feel like I love him but just not as much as he loves me ? Maybe I just don't appreciate him enough? Or is it also to do with postpartum hormones ?
Sorry for the rant 😂
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A man who chose to be with you when you were already 10 weeks pregnant?
Honestly, it sounds like you don't really know what you want in a relationship. You shouldn't waste his time. From what you've shared, he seems like a good man. If you're unsure about him, it might be kinder to let him go so he can find someone who truly wants to be with him.
It’s definitely your post partum symptoms ive been with my partner 4 years and i experienced this with our first u just gotta ride it out it will be worth it I promise xx
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