Absent Father

In the end I used to say "I don't know"
I'm not lying for him anymore.
She's now 14 and not seen him in 13 years

I was this child, my mum swung between trying to take the moral high ground and lying for him and then exploding with resentment and saying awful, awful things because she couldn't keep it up.

At 5, they understand more than you think. Explain that you don't know and acknowledge that it's okay to feel sad about it. Understand that they will feel rejected, which is painful.

Don't speak for him e.g. "but daddy loves you sooo much", "I'm sure he's really sad he can't see you" - that's up to him, frankly. Instead, my advice would be to focus on the child and everything that is wonderful about them and how much YOU love them, how important they are, how loved and safe they are, how much you love spending time with them, how much you love being their mummy ❤️

You've been put in an awful position, it's incredibly unfair and difficult for both of you. Give yourself and your child lots of grace ❤️❤️❤️ and just keep being the best mum you can be. The fact that you're even asking for advice on this means everything!

I'd honestly not lie. I would say I don't know. How often does he see the dad? If not at all, then you'll probably soon have to have that talk unfortunately. It's shitty, because it makes the kid feel unwanted, but the best way to boost it or counteract it is by actively telling them how much you love them and how much better your life is to have them in it or how much fun you're having. If you think that unfortunate convo is coming, I'd start dropping positive comments like this frequently to grow that loss confidence so much that when they find out the father is no longer around, it doesn't hit as hard because they have you, you love them and they love you. We had this with my nephew's bio dad and 18 years after disappearing, tried to reconnect. We were worried but my nephew was super mature, responded to the letter saying you weren't there when I needed you most, why would I bother now? Please do not contact me again or call yourself my Dad. It's an insult to the man that raised me. And that was that.