am i being over dramatic

so my son just turned three months and my husband just told me tonight that he volunteered me for a job with out even talking to me… i told him that it was so so important to me that for the first year to stay home with our baby bc i don’t want to miss out on the firsts our son is our first baby and ill never get the first baby firsts back… that will destroy me so much my son is my whole world and i couldn’t imagine not being there for such important things… but he says im throwing him trying to help in his face when i was just simply expressing how i felt about the situation… am i being dramatic or is it very valid for me to be frustrated with feeling not heard and blind-sided also we don’t have very many friends in the area my best friend just moved bc her husband is pcsing and we will be too shortly… we do not want him in daycare bc just our city has had way to many reports of child neglect child abuse or something happening to someone child while in the care of a daycare provider… we both aren’t from this state so family is also out of the question and my son is such a mommas boy that he refuses almost everyone but my best friend

in our community

Partner struggles

Hey all I need to have a little vent. I don’t know if I’m hormonal or if I really should change things up.

So for a bit of context I’ve been with my partner for 3 years now. We have a nearly 2 year old and a 6 week old baby. I moved into my fiancés family’s house 6 months into our relationship and we bought a flat and moved into it the day before my first son was born. Since moving into our own flat together he’s never helped with any kind of house work or anything like that. When we had our son my fiancé started staying at work longer so he wouldn’t need to help as much with our son. My fiancé does work daft hours he works from 3am till midday. He will come home and go to bed till about 4/5pm. He will get up and go to play bowls nearly every night. He will come home about 9/10pm after our sons in bed so he only sees our son for a couple of hours if he’s lucky. He wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what our son’s allergic to or know what his routine is like.

If I ask for help with the house or look after our son while I get the jobs done around the house that need doing it’s a moaning match about how he’s tired and needs his bed. And I get that he works and that he is the only one working so we can have a roof over our heads but lately it feels like I’m a single mum who just lives with a man. Who earns all the money and who controls all our money. We always seem to be struggling lately and he makes good money so I don’t know where most of the money is going to make us struggle like we are. I have no access to the money or accounts. If we need things for the boys I need to explain why we need it. Or if we need a food shop or anything I’m given £50 cash to do that shop.

We were arguing a lot during my 2nd pregnancy about how my partner might need to give up his bowling for a while just so I can get some help with the boys but he seems to be bowling more and staying even later at work. I don’t know if it’s just my post partum hormones but the last few weeks I’ve wanted to murder him as he’s no help what so ever. My family lives about an hour away and we only have my partners work car so I can’t go and see them very often or get any kind of help from them. Am I being a bitch and hormonal for thinking that I’d be better leaving him and living on my own with my boys. This is an extremely hard decision to make. Do I stay and put up with this or do I leave and make a better life for me and the boys. Another thing is I don’t know how to love him anymore when all he does is put himself and his wants before his kids and myself. I hate the idea of leaving him as my son absolutely adores his dad even though he barely sees him.

Sorry for the massive rant but I just need some advice. Also here’s a photo of my two boys.

Nursery cost - how are you splitting?

How are you and your partner splitting nursery costs? 50/50? Or based upon earnings?

Comments very welcome!

I know I will get hate for this but it really PISSES ME OFF how my 7 year old sometimes still wets the bed and my 2 year old never does!!!

My 7 year old is clever, knows when she needs a pee and only ever wets the nbed when she is still awake (comes down to tell us)

I get this could be for attention but she gets mountains of attention every day and we don’t regret badly or give her loads of attention when it happens. Just say ‘don’t worry’ and change the sheets and tuck her back in with minimal fuss.

She has a bathroom right next to her room and lights are on for her to see etc.
Just winds me up that it keeps happening when I know there is nothing stopping her from knowing when to go and also being able to!

Is this normal....

My husband is obsessed with time... my daughter has a strict schedule which we created with the help of chatgpt. They change all the time so I need to update them all the time. But I have to plan every minute of the day, how much development time she does (the number of minutes she has for tummy time, kneeling, transition practice, standing etc. We are trying to get her to crawl) what i do when shes napping, the best time for visitors to come, when we both shower etc. My husband works from home and i feel our life is so regimented... my husband says that every successful household are strict with time and that time is money!

I grew up in a household that had routine but flexibility and all this rigidness is suffocating me to the point that I actually hate motherhood....

We even have 2 cameras over her cot (one just a standard monitor and the other is recording camera so we can see exactly what time she wakes up in the morning).

We log everything in huckleberry, weigh her solids and he is obsessed with checking the data...

Is this how everyone else lives their life? Or am I the one that's completely mad here???

Decisions…

So I need ADVICE. I’m not going to give much away but I do need some solid mama advice.
Firstly, I’m going through a trying time in my marriage. Moved here to Tennessee from Florida 3yrs ago and contemplated divorce from the start when we moved here. I have no insight to our finances, I get a “set” allowance of $200/week, I am the sole caretaker of the home, kids and animals and I’m a stay at home mama. I never have to worry about finances but I’d like to (it’s been talked about multiple times to include me but it never happens) husband isn’t very loving but only when he wants.. ya know.. he doesn’t help do anything with the kids, doesn’t do any chores around the home he basically goes to work, makes the money and pays the bills but doesn’t offer any help within the home, kids or animals. Recently brought up divorce, agreed to it, got a job because he wouldn’t sign on to any home with me if I didn’t have a job, got one like I said and showed that I had independence and then the night before I was going to go to the lawyer to get paperwork for an uncontested divorce, he argued with me because like anyone who is lonely in a marriage, you find solace in talking with someone who gives you attention (I know, I shouldn’t have) but it was only communication never physical.. well brought that up into the argument and it went straight down the hatches. Calling me all kinds of names, telling me he was going to not help me with anything, threatened to take my kids from me. When he threatened the kid thing, I slapped him. First time I ever did something like that to him or anyone genuinely speaking.. so it’s not like me to do that. Well I got arrested for that. NEVER been in trouble with the law at all. Went to court, charges got dismissed pending review in 4months (it’s going to be expunged) my thought now is he wants to move states because he doesn’t want to live in the state where I talked to another man at. He’s making active steps to move us away. While I’ve expressed that I don’t want to move, he says he will move regardless of what my decision is with or without me. Which is fine BUT my thought is, I’ll have to find another job, find housing, live here with no family (I do have friends) but it would just be me and the kids and we’d split custody 50/50 IF I go through with a divorce. He wants to make it work but I’m not allowed to have social media, I changed my number and he doesn’t want me volunteering at my child’s school because the other man’s child goes to the same school. Should I stay with him and make it work or should I file? I’m so conflicted. Like I said, I’m not saying everything and I’m willing to talk more about it if questions are asked but that’s the short version. Thank you for your advice if you have any. I really need it right now. First and foremost, my children are my entire heart. I know I’m a good mom. No one could ever take that from me if anything.

Teething at 9 weeks?!

My 9 week old has been drooling loads and putting his hands in his mouth. He’s been very upset today and has only been comforted by the boob.
I decided to have a check today of his gums out of curiosity and have seen a little white tooth that looks like it’s coming through. He was quite upset by me touching them too.
Im not very prepared for teething as I thought we’d have more time until, but I can’t tell if he’s teething or if it’s just an outline or something.