Generational gap and issues with parents
My mother is here visiting my husband and I. She helps with a few household chores etc. I have problems with low milk supply and excessive formula supplementation. I’m trying to establish breast feeding but I don’t make enough milk. So I pump in addition to triple feed my baby.
My mother washed the pump parts and assembled them incorrectly. I wasted 45 min pumping and getting next to nothing in milk output. I told her that. She said if I don’t like her being here she will go back home. She said I should reschedule her tickets. Oh well..
The more grown I am, now with a 2 month old baby boy, I am starting to realize that my mother actually is of little help towards me. This is a sad realization but I don’t think I intend to visit or see her again once she leaves. She may not come back to visit us again also.
Has anyone else felt distanced from their mothers due to generational age gap, cultural biases, changing expectations and different standards of living? My mother lives in India.
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So if that’s the only event - it’s annoying but forgiveable- but I’m guessing its not. It can be tough for parents to adjust to their kids in a new role, and their way of helping can be clumsy… only you know if this is more insidious than that.
My mother never really supported me moving abroad. She has her own regrets in life, and cannot accept my different choices and lifestyle. I have distanced myself from her- I see her once a year, never stay with her and firmly withdraw whenever I need to. I stopped expecting help or feeling bad.
For me, I realised, after my daughter’s birth, that our relationship was entirely on her terms. I was walking on eggshells, trying to appease, and every step I made for myself was met with resentment and competitiveness… and always had been. And she was not able or willing to try to change. Once I realised that, it became a very objective decision- I can’t risk her influence framing my relationship with my own girl, so I have to keep her separate.
Number one, its harsh, but grow up. Assemble your own pump next time.
Yes you are now a grown woman and shouldn't need your mother to baby you; that doesn't mean that you then throw that relationship in the bin and render her useless. She has probably sacrificed more for you than you will realise yet.
That being said, you may need your mother yet. You are not out the woods with a young baby. Being a mother hits hard at different points and nothing can replace the emotional support of your own mother.
I would acknowledge her new role as grandmother and work on your relationship with her and let her mentor you.
Its not you. Being an Indian myself I feel parents are incapable of taking any sort of accountability. They tie everything to "love or respect" that we have for them.
Here all she had to do was hear you out, take accountability for messing up and adding stress. But nope that will require her to put her ego aside. You are a good kid only if you are okay with everything they do even if it creates inconvenience to you.
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