Is this man neurodivergence or just has bad hygiene and lazy and disrespectful and disgusting !!?
Can someone help me understand this? I genuinely don’t know whether my partner is neurodivergent, has some kind of compulsive behaviour, or is just being unhygienic/lazy/nasty.
Some of the things he does:
He has a towel that he uses only for his bum.
He uses wipes when he poos, then uses the towel to “dry the wetness” before putting talcum powder there.
He has nailed hooks/nails into our living room walls to hang his work clothes because he doesn’t want to fold them. He says they need to “air out” and doesn’t want to hang them anywhere else.
He urinates in bottles next to our bed and will apparently keep using the same bottle until it’s full.
He spits into clothes that are sitting in the dirty laundry basket.
If he washes his hands in the kitchen sink, he has to remove every single plate, spoon, etc. first because he feels like the “dirt from his hands is running into the plates and forks, and they’re already dirty.”
His showers take around 25 minutes and he has to soap himself up THREE times because otherwise, in his words, “he won’t feel clean.”
If he sees a fly, he cannot relax until it’s either dead or out of the house. He’ll run around trying to get it, jump around, throw things and even throw shoes at the ceiling. There are literally shoe marks/footprints on the ceiling/walls from this.
Last night I left some milk out because it was already bad and I intended to throw it away. He woke up 6–7 hours later and put it back in the fridge because he said he didn’t know whether I was throwing it away and “it wasn’t that hot last night.”
He’ll wipe his bum and then go around touching drawers and cupboards without washing his hands. When I point it out, he says, “Only one hand is dirty,” despite using both hands to fold the wipes/tissues while cleaning himself.
And just to clarify, this is a 26-year-old man.
I’m not trying to diagnose him, but I’m genuinely struggling to understand what is going on here. Some of these behaviours seem like they could be compulsive or related to sensory issues/neurodivergence, while others just seem like basic hygiene and cleanliness that he should know better about.
Has anyone experienced something similar or have any insight into what could explain this kind of behaviour?
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Haven’t had similar but I do agree, some do seem like there’s something more going on like sensory issues but there is other things that do seem just lazy and poor hygiene like spitting into the laundry basket? Peeing into bottles? I refuse to believe there’s any sensory issues behind those🤮
Yeah I wouldn't be bothered by his bathroom/shower routines they don't impact anyone else.
But definitely some of the other behaviours I wouldn't want babies/small kids alone with him in the house.
Try encourage him to get professional help, if he won't then insist on couples counselling at minimum or you will burn out.
Have you met/spoken to his parents? I am sure they would be aware of his behaviours and might have advice on how to talk to him about it?
I agree with above comments. It seems like there could be potential OCD which if you’re based in the UK, he can get free support for through Talking Therapies.
Other behaviours seem like hygiene issues. It’s definitely a tricky one, because if he is neurodivergent could it be that this is what causes his lack of understanding in regards to his bad hygiene habits.
I think it’s worth having a conversation with him about getting help/speaking to his GP. His GP can arrange for him to be tested for any neurodivergence (although the waitlist for any official diagnosis in the UK is YEARS), and the GP can also refer him to Talking Therapies.
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