SAHM trying to work for some independance.

I am trying to avoid daycare fees, I have found a hospitality job that is between 2 and 4 evenings a week.

I feel bad leaving my husband who works Monday to Friday 8-5, to take over the 10 month old care when he gets home tired and now I will be gone most evenibg weekends.

I worry he will end up drinking too much or not get enough rest himself.
He is a good Dad and Husband and helps out with dinners anyway and the pots.
I do the laundry and general cleaning, bins, floors etc.

We just get by financially, but I am really bored during the days and really want something to look forward to, and to spend my own money if I want my haor done, some clothes or make up whatever.

I don't want to always have to ask can I buy something or explain what I have bought.

Is anyone else in this situation.
I'm having Wife guilt.
Weekends have always been family time. We would see each other a lot less.

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Yes I’m a first time mom and I stay home. I been thinking about doing online schooling. And taking out a loan to get my car fixed because we only have his car that he takes to work during the day and I just feel so stuck here at home.

Its a tough time with decision making. Choose to go grind for somethings [or someones] growth or choose to keep what already is whoch can be so familiar and a blessing but it remains stunted in some way

What would you study.
It would be nice tp have something productive to do during the day.

Could he not help you fix your car. For a SAHM it's much needed.
We go to story time and meet other moms on walks.

By your logic he should feel guilty if you have to work all evening and then take care of your child in the day.
Many couples split household labor like this nowadays. At the end of the day it’s his child too.Don’t feel guilty, your financial security and independence are equally as important as his.

Do you know what he earns and where it goes? I'd never advise against working if that's what you want but it sounds like you're partly just fed up of asking for money. We split everything equally. So all the money that comes in goes to pay bills, savings, different pots for groceries clothes activities etc which have a monthly budget we worked out together, and we each have an equal personal allowance to spend on whatever we want. It's been the same since we moved in together - he has earned more than me most of the time we've been together and couldn't imagine leaving me with nothing for myself just because his work has better financial compensation. It's the same now I'm not bringing money in- he thanks me all the time for making the decision to step back because my job involved weekend working and it was having a negative impact on both of us but him in particular. We're privileged enough that we can afford this for now and I absolutely feel entitled to the money that I support him to bring in.

in our community

Anyone else is angry at their husband / partner just existing?

lol I woke up today and so angry at my partner. Just because he asked if I wanted him to book doctor’s appointment for our baby. It’s your son for godsake do you even have to ask me?

Opinions please???????

As a stay-at-home mum, I struggled with loneliness and feeling like I wasn’t contributing financially after leaving work to raise my child. I eventually found a way to make good money from home, and honestly, we’re doing even better now.

I have a friend who’s also a stay-at-home mum, and she wants me to teach her what I do. My husband, however, doesn’t want me to because he’s concerned about my safety. What do you think I should do?

Would you fly abroad if you were in my shoes?

I have two children, aged 5 and 3, and I’m considering going abroad with my husband. The main thing making me hesitate is that my husband has ongoing mental health and musculoskeletal issues, and when we travel, he generally doesn’t take responsibility for the practical side of things. I would already expect to be responsible for the children, suitcases and most of the organisation, but I’m also worried that I may need to manage his anxiety or mental health while we’re away.

The last time we travelled, around 1.5 years ago, was quite traumatic for me. On the flight there, my husband experienced severe palpitations and became convinced he was going to die. I had to alert the cabin crew, and when we landed, paramedics assessed him. As he doesn’t speak the language of the country we were visiting, I had to translate for him while also trying to keep an eye on our two young children, who were running around, and deal with all the luggage.

Then, when we arrived at the Airbnb, he became very anxious because he didn’t know what he was going to eat. He has quite significant food anxiety. He walked out of the accommodation, and I had to follow him with both children because I was worried about him. Thankfully, he eventually settled and the rest of the trip was better.

Interestingly, his sibling came to stay with us afterwards, and on the journey home his sibling travelled back with us. My husband was completely fine on the return flight, so I know he can manage travelling, but I think the experience has left me quite traumatised and worried about it happening again.

Now he really wants to go abroad again. He is better than he was previously, and these days he does manage a lot of his anxiety himself. However, he is still not 100% — he still has anxiety and food-related anxiety, and his mood can be very low. When he is struggling, he can become withdrawn, sit quietly and move his body back and forth without really engaging with us. He also tends to isolate himself and doesn’t always tell me how he is feeling, because he prefers to deal with things himself.

I don’t want to stop him from doing something he really wants to do, and I don’t want to disappoint him. At the same time, I’m worried that if things go wrong, I’ll be the one carrying the responsibility for the children, luggage, translating, organising everything AND potentially dealing with another mental health crisis.

So, if you were in my position, would you go abroad? Would you feel comfortable taking the risk, knowing what happened last time and knowing that your husband is better but still not completely well? Or would you wait until things are more stable?

I’m really struggling to work out whether I’m being unnecessarily anxious because of what happened last time, or whether my concerns are reasonable.

Childminder vs Nursery

My baby is 8 months and currently we do have a place at a nursery and one on hold with a childminder.

The nursery is a bit further about 20 mins from my home and can only do 3 days a week there and can’t start until mid April.

The childminder is 10 minutes from home and she has 2 other workers there with her. She has availability for all week and he can start in January.

I won’t require all week as I’m only going back for 3 days but debating whether to put him in for 4 days so I have a day to be able to do housework etc.

Have others gone with either and how have you found it?

Mum guilt

Is anyone being strict with their little ones sleep/naps, feeds etc?

I feed on demand, and if she’s tired I’ll let her sleep/nap? She’s 14 weeks old. I am literally just winging motherhood as I am a first time mama and I feel that there’s so much strictness, or routines that need to be done etc, I feel if I do that it’ll make me unhappy and miserable and constantly working towards a timetable, whereas I just want to enjoy parenthood and not get even more overwhelmed than I already am as this is all still very new to me!

Stock cubes for babies

I am about to start weaning my almost 6 month old. I also have a 2.5 year old who eats what we eat. I put stock cubes in most meals but we don’t like the low salt ones. I don’t add any additional salt and definitely won’t for my baby but are stock cubes ok? I used to cook my toddlers separately until he was 1 but I don’t have the head space or time for that now. I very much just want to make one meal. Does anyone else do this?