Mum guilt

Is anyone being strict with their little ones sleep/naps, feeds etc?

I feed on demand, and if she’s tired I’ll let her sleep/nap? She’s 14 weeks old. I am literally just winging motherhood as I am a first time mama and I feel that there’s so much strictness, or routines that need to be done etc, I feel if I do that it’ll make me unhappy and miserable and constantly working towards a timetable, whereas I just want to enjoy parenthood and not get even more overwhelmed than I already am as this is all still very new to me!

in our community

Anyone else is angry at their husband / partner just existing?

lol I woke up today and so angry at my partner. Just because he asked if I wanted him to book doctor’s appointment for our baby. It’s your son for godsake do you even have to ask me?

Would you fly abroad if you were in my shoes?

I have two children, aged 5 and 3, and I’m considering going abroad with my husband. The main thing making me hesitate is that my husband has ongoing mental health and musculoskeletal issues, and when we travel, he generally doesn’t take responsibility for the practical side of things. I would already expect to be responsible for the children, suitcases and most of the organisation, but I’m also worried that I may need to manage his anxiety or mental health while we’re away.

The last time we travelled, around 1.5 years ago, was quite traumatic for me. On the flight there, my husband experienced severe palpitations and became convinced he was going to die. I had to alert the cabin crew, and when we landed, paramedics assessed him. As he doesn’t speak the language of the country we were visiting, I had to translate for him while also trying to keep an eye on our two young children, who were running around, and deal with all the luggage.

Then, when we arrived at the Airbnb, he became very anxious because he didn’t know what he was going to eat. He has quite significant food anxiety. He walked out of the accommodation, and I had to follow him with both children because I was worried about him. Thankfully, he eventually settled and the rest of the trip was better.

Interestingly, his sibling came to stay with us afterwards, and on the journey home his sibling travelled back with us. My husband was completely fine on the return flight, so I know he can manage travelling, but I think the experience has left me quite traumatised and worried about it happening again.

Now he really wants to go abroad again. He is better than he was previously, and these days he does manage a lot of his anxiety himself. However, he is still not 100% — he still has anxiety and food-related anxiety, and his mood can be very low. When he is struggling, he can become withdrawn, sit quietly and move his body back and forth without really engaging with us. He also tends to isolate himself and doesn’t always tell me how he is feeling, because he prefers to deal with things himself.

I don’t want to stop him from doing something he really wants to do, and I don’t want to disappoint him. At the same time, I’m worried that if things go wrong, I’ll be the one carrying the responsibility for the children, luggage, translating, organising everything AND potentially dealing with another mental health crisis.

So, if you were in my position, would you go abroad? Would you feel comfortable taking the risk, knowing what happened last time and knowing that your husband is better but still not completely well? Or would you wait until things are more stable?

I’m really struggling to work out whether I’m being unnecessarily anxious because of what happened last time, or whether my concerns are reasonable.

Am I TA?

So my parents care for my niece 1 day a week, things are awkward for many reasons including the fact that my son has been told to be quiet while playing outside at a normal volume, because niece is sleeping.

Today, I was asked to pass on a messafe to my Mum and as soon as I opened my mouth I was told to be quiet as she was trying to sleep.

I have very little interest in being around now.

Would I be the AH if I avoided being around while my niece is visiting.

We live on my parents property and despite desperately wanting to move, can't right now.

Toddler meltdowns.

Hi. I hope all is well.

I honestly need to vent. And also some advice. Or I need to know if anyone can relate because I feel so alone in this. Recently my 2 year old has been throwing the WORST tantrums. I don’t even know what to call them. Tantrums or meltdowns. It first happened at the park that’s 5 min away from where we live (we walked). And she was crying as if I was doing something bad to her. Everyone was staring. I felt so horrible. I cried silently all the way home while she screamed and cried in her stroller. Now it’s happening everyday, at least once a day. She screams so loud and cries so much. It’s if she doesn’t get her way. I feel horrible and we live in an apartment complex so I get scared if neighbors are gonna call the cops. She doesn’t want my comfort she wants to be by herself. I let her know I’m here if she needs me to hug her. She tells me no. And wants to be alone. I let her be but I can hear her from the other room just screaming and crying. I always end up crying, I get so overwhelmed. I try not to let her see me crying. But once she’s done she comes back and lets me comfort her by hugging her. Is any of this normal?

I just had a brake down

I’ve been trying to pump and I asked my husband to to hold the baby while I do and he told me that I got it because I’m the mom and he wants to relax and I already got a brake (taking a shower isn’t a brake)I’ve also been struggling with getting my milk up, my baby is 3 months and he can’t latch. Anyways I am pumping and my baby can’t settle down and I am walking around my house with him and then I go into the baby’s room where my husband made it into a gaming room and I told him I need you to hold him. He just looks at me and then said have you tried walking around with him instead of being lazy and I was like yep. And then I snapped and said I can’t hold him with the stupid pumps and I yelled at no one I’m was just mad I CANT GET ENOUGH MILK OUT AND I CANT EVEN COMFORT HIM AND I FEEL LIKE A BAD MOM!!! And all my husband did was take the baby and yelled at me stop acting like your 5 it’s not hard to pump and hold the baby at the same time. And now he’s mad at me. I feel like I’m a really really bad mom.

Daycare

If your little one is in day care how much are you spending a month??
Currently we are paying $1,600 and that’s $500 more than our rent.