Would you fly abroad if you were in my shoes?
I have two children, aged 5 and 3, and I’m considering going abroad with my husband. The main thing making me hesitate is that my husband has ongoing mental health and musculoskeletal issues, and when we travel, he generally doesn’t take responsibility for the practical side of things. I would already expect to be responsible for the children, suitcases and most of the organisation, but I’m also worried that I may need to manage his anxiety or mental health while we’re away.
The last time we travelled, around 1.5 years ago, was quite traumatic for me. On the flight there, my husband experienced severe palpitations and became convinced he was going to die. I had to alert the cabin crew, and when we landed, paramedics assessed him. As he doesn’t speak the language of the country we were visiting, I had to translate for him while also trying to keep an eye on our two young children, who were running around, and deal with all the luggage.
Then, when we arrived at the Airbnb, he became very anxious because he didn’t know what he was going to eat. He has quite significant food anxiety. He walked out of the accommodation, and I had to follow him with both children because I was worried about him. Thankfully, he eventually settled and the rest of the trip was better.
Interestingly, his sibling came to stay with us afterwards, and on the journey home his sibling travelled back with us. My husband was completely fine on the return flight, so I know he can manage travelling, but I think the experience has left me quite traumatised and worried about it happening again.
Now he really wants to go abroad again. He is better than he was previously, and these days he does manage a lot of his anxiety himself. However, he is still not 100% — he still has anxiety and food-related anxiety, and his mood can be very low. When he is struggling, he can become withdrawn, sit quietly and move his body back and forth without really engaging with us. He also tends to isolate himself and doesn’t always tell me how he is feeling, because he prefers to deal with things himself.
I don’t want to stop him from doing something he really wants to do, and I don’t want to disappoint him. At the same time, I’m worried that if things go wrong, I’ll be the one carrying the responsibility for the children, luggage, translating, organising everything AND potentially dealing with another mental health crisis.
So, if you were in my position, would you go abroad? Would you feel comfortable taking the risk, knowing what happened last time and knowing that your husband is better but still not completely well? Or would you wait until things are more stable?
I’m really struggling to work out whether I’m being unnecessarily anxious because of what happened last time, or whether my concerns are reasonable.
