How do I deal with my neat freak husband

My husband is obsessed with the house being tidy all the time and this is causing a serious strain on our marriage. I m dealing with 3 kids under 5 and I cant seem to keep up .somehow no matter how I clean it’s just not enough. Even when i think have thoroughly cleaned he somehow finds something. He doesn’t do anything to help too cos he is the sole provider.

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Him being a provider is no reason to not help at home. It sounds like you’re solo parenting constantly. If he doesn’t like something or notices something , as a partner in life he should naturally be helping without a word. Those are his children too. You also deserve breaks. 🫶🏻

Your husband isn't a "neat freak" he's a controlling partner who thinks he's your boss because he happens to earn a bit of money. Guess what, you support him to earn that money. He couldn't earn it without you. He needs to grow up and clean his house. I'd actually bet money it's not the "mess" he cares about but the control over you.

Unless he is helping out to clean then he should really be quiet and if he has a problem still after you clean then he can do it himself

I would say you should hire a cleaner. Maybe he is earning money, but the work you are doing at home is also work, even though you are not getting paid for it.
You should calmly tell him that these are his children too, and taking care of the house and the kids should not be entirely your responsibility. He needs to either help you with the household and the children or consider hiring a cleaner to take some of the pressure off you.
And please tell him this in a very calm voice. You don’t need to argue or fight. Also, it feels like he is bringing the stress and frustration from his job into the home and taking it out on you, which isn’t fair.

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I don’t even know

So my husband and I are putting away groceries..I’ve already had a long tiring day and was already irritated, my 4year old was not listening and constantly getting into things..I asked and told multiple times nicely to please stop grabbed her off counters and stuff..she kept on so I finally ended up yelling at her, my husband yells at me “ you don’t need to yell at her she going to end up depressed that’s why she is the way she is”… I said she is not listening I’ve asked multiple times nicely. And also when I tell you I feel depressed you say and I quote, “ depression isn’t a real thing it’s all in your head get used to it”. So I said well if I could actually get a break from them I wouldn’t be so short tempered… when he is home he does nothing, I want to shower kids go with I want to go to the bathroom kids go with, if I want to go out with friends to get a break kids have to go with or I can’t go..I’ve burned every dinner to a charcoal crisp because he would not help me with anything. Yes I know I should not yell at my kids but things happen and I’m human too and I always feel terrible after and go tell them sorry and explain why I yelled..

Should I look through my husbands phone?

Guys… idk I have a weird feeling.
I’ve never really had to worry about my husband before but the other night at like 2/3am we both woke up because LO started crying and he was like to me ‘I know you’re looking through my phone, it keeps moving from its place’ ?? Baring in mind, I did NOT look through his phone, I never do. And yesterday we were out and he was driving, I was in the back and I had his phone because I was playing music from his phone on YouTube, and from the front mirror he’s just looking at me? I had a feeling he felt uneasy me having his phone?

Do you think I’m overthinking it? Do you think what I’ve mentioned is enough grounds to go through his phone?

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