Can’t handle it anymore! Too stressed

Honestly two kids 3 and 1 it’s just getting so hard. Their dad comes and stays sometimes but isn’t consistent. I just feel so worked up and stressed and tired all in one! I feel like I’m not cut out I feel like they deserve a much better mum than me I’m just so stressed

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Worried about how husband is with kids

I love my husband to death, and for the most part our parenting techniques are the same but sometimes I worry about how he will be as a dad. For context we have a 6 month old together and we also have my 4 year old who is his step son. My husband is the rough, alpha male, doesn't put up with bs from anyone type of man. And I want my boys to be tough and ready for the world so I'm glad that he is. But sometimes the things he says I don't agree with when it comes to how kids should act and be treated. Like for example I was telling him how 1-2 year olds will a lot of times cry when their parent gets home even if they were just fine and playing because they forgot that they weren't with mommy/daddy the whole time and they're still getting used to being detached sometimes. And he said "If *6 month old* does that, I'm gonna get mad at him and be like why are you crying??" Like seriously?? A one year old?? And he's not joking. He says things like these are men they're not meant to cry! And one time I said we had to validate my toddlers feelings and he just laughed in my face, like legit laughing he thought that was hilarious. He thinks I baby them. And maybe I do but they're my babies. My boys I can't help it. I do punish my toddler when appropriate and I am stern with him, sometimes even lose my temper if he's getting on my nerves but I don't like when that happens. He wants me to be just a stern and rough as him but I believe there needs to be balance. A mother needs to be more nurturing and comforting in my opinion. And while I do believe the father should be more stern sometimes I think he takes it way too far. Sure my toddler listens to him and does what he says the first time out of every other adult in his life, but it's out of fear. And I don't want my boys to fear me. I don't want them to fear the home that they live in either because their father is a tyrant. A part of me feels bad for him because I know that it all comes from how he was raised I'm sure. His mom would beat him like crazy growing up and sometimes his dad too. And I'm sure his feelings were never validated as a child so that's his only viewpoint of how parenting should he for young boys. He also tells stories about how he would bully his cousins and other kids till they cried and he laughs about it like it's completely normal and he wants his kids to be just like him. But I just don't know how to go about it with him. I do want him to be stern with them, but not taking it too far. But he doesn't believe he takes it too far.

How do you handle nights when partner is back at work?

My partner goes back to work next week after his 2 week parental leave after birth.
In the nights I feed, and he winds baby and changes nappies - I’m also recovering from a c-section so trying to let him do as much as possible in general. From next week things may have to change a bit so he can get some more
sleep when he starts work again.

Wondering how everyone else splits night time jobs - or general baby jobs - with their partner once they’re back at work?

Narcissistic partner

I’ve come to realise that my partner is a narcissist. I don’t know why I was blind to this before but I feel so trapped.

Our son is 18 months old. We don’t live together as his flat is too small for all of us, and he refuses to move to mine. He comes up with any excuse possible not to come over and help, and even when he does, its like he gets bored of ‘babysitting’ after only 20 minutes, while I do household chores. I never get chance to do these when I’m home alone, so on the few times he does come round, I need to make use of the time. He then blames the fact that I go to some baby classes for 1 hour, twice a week, for the reason he never gets to see his son.

Currently, we all have a stomach flu. He didn’t stay at mine last night so I was up with the baby all night. He called this morning and asked how we were. I explained I had been up all night and asked if he was coming round to help me. He said ‘I just need a few more hours sleep, I’ve only had 6 and I’m shattered’. No regard for me whatsoever?

I always thought I would end up with this guy and having more babies, but now this scares me (but I desperately want a second child). I can’t imagine him prioritising me during a c-section and allowing me to have skin to skin etc (he was not present at my first birth due to disagreements during pregnancy. Every time I said anything to him about me needing more support, he would give me every excuse under the sun and say he was ‘defending himself’). He constantly goes on about things being ‘fair’ when he’s here (as in, when our baby was a newborn, he wanted to come round and hold the baby for the whole time, as ‘this was the only time he got to see the baby’, which was his own fault and meant I missed out on this experience. He also used to come round for a few hours in the afternoon after he’d had a lie in and NEVER stayed for a night to help with the feeds😊😊😊). When it comes to Christmas and Birthdays etc he insists on being present and me making sure the plans line up with his sleep schedule etc (he doesn’t wake up until 11-12 most days and my baby is up at 6. He wants me to hold celebrations off until he is awake which is unreasonable, but then says things like ‘you always make me miss out’).

I feel so trapped. My son has my surname as a double barrel and he constantly goes on about this being unfair as baby should have the dads surname, yet he shows no interest in actually helping. When we are on good terms, he makes every excuse not to see our son, but whenever we argue he says ‘maybe we should just go to court and agree 50/50 custody’. Then we are on good terms again and he doesn’t come and see him for days/weeks at a time, and is perfectly happy to go on holiday for 2-3 weeks at a time with friends. He doesn’t even have much of an idea how to care for our sons needs so this scares me so much. When he comes to see the baby he can’t seem to keep him entertained, and always ends up putting on a show for the baby to watch. He also constantly berates me about the fact that we don’t have sex much. But I don’t understand when he thinks this is possible when the only time he is here is during the day when the baby is awake. He says he is always lonely because I don’t make the effort for our relationship.

Yay or Nay - Husband wants to go friends wedding

My husband wants to go Scotland for a friends wedding. I'm guessing I'd be less than a month post partum possible couple of weeks. We have a a 5 year old.

He wants to go. I don't want him to go but I said he is an adult he needs to make the decision himself but he knows where I stand.

Am I wrong to thinn he shouldn't be travelling for a wedding that soon. He would need to be away for 2 days.

Need to vent!!!

So story time my husband and I have been together for 15 years. Married 8 years out of them 15. I keep constantly having an issue with him talking to some girl on the phone or getting nudes. When I bring it up he lies or does the “I’ll never do it again” card. I’ve given him chance after chance. Well today something told me something was wrong. I went through his phone (I know but I had to know ) I found deleted messages from some girl and apparently she went to see him at work (he works midnight shift ). I’m not sure what to do or even how much more of this I can take. Any advice? I am only incognito just in case if somebody I know is in here and they run back and tell him.

Holiday in term time for nursery school

Does anyone know the policy in Uk preschool/ nurseries in a school? We have a couple of holidays booked - a centre parcs trip mon- fri in November and another for the first week back in Jan (both booked before he started) he is 3 x