AITA ??

I have 2 under 2. One being a newborn.

My friend came over to visit and brought her 6 year old. Her child is veryyy tall and looks about 10. She has a lot of energy & just doesnt stop.

Anyway, my 2 year old is being assessed for autism. She does not like physical touch, people in her personal space or loud noises. My friend knows this.

Anyway, her child has come in SHOUTING and playing music on her phone. She was throwing my childs toys around & then got on to her trampoline. Bare in mind, shes 2 so its a little trampoline. She started bouncing and I asked her if she could please come off it as it was for small children. She shouted, laughed and carried on. My 2 year old wanted to be picked up as she was overstimulated. I asked my friend if she could turn the volume down on her daughters phone and it was too loud and my toddler was VISIBLY upset and covering her ears. I also had a sleeping newborn next to me. She asked her daughter and she refused and that was it.

She then started shouting my childs name and was putting her phone in her face. I asked her not to do that and give her some space.

She then took my toddlers snack and started eating in. My child has safe foods so got very upset as she was eating it.

I looked at my friend and she laughed saying "gosh she doesnt listen." To which I said "can you please tell her to stop it shes upsetting my child" and she laughed saying "honestly she doesnt listen."

This went on for over an hour & my child was besides herself. Shes non verbal but I understand her cues. I tried to take her upstairs for a nap & asked my friends child if she could be a bit quieter as my baby was sleeping & my toddler was going to bed. I hugged my toddler to console her and she laid down for a nap. 5 minutes later, my friend said "i'm going to the toilet" and took her child with her. I told her not to flush the toilet as it would wake my toddler. Heard them both upstairs cackling, then saw on the camera - her daughter go into my childs bedroom and stroke her face whilst she was asleep. She then started getting all her books out and throwing them around. My friend came downstairs and said "shes just chilling upstairs for abit."

My head WENT & I said "shes not fucking chilling she's gonna wake my toddler up" and she did. My toddler was scared as she woke up to banging and a fucking 6 year old trying to climb into her cot. I went upstairs and told her to please get out. She then started shouting my daughters name - who at this point was absolutely besides herself upset.

I went downstairs and said to my friend "shes woke my child up and im now going to have to deal with an overtired and upset child." She laughed and said "its kids being kids." I then said I was expecting another visitor and she had to leave.

I am so annoyed that she doesnt even TRY control her child. She has damaged books & a trampoline and she just watched her do it. Said nothing. I dont like to tell other peoples kids what to do but I'm livid. She then went and tried to pick my newborn up so I said "no put her down." Too late, she woke her up. She had barely napped so was upset she had been disturbed. My friend said "she just wanted to hold her" so I said "I dont care, i feel disrespected in my own house." And then she left. She then text me saying "was so nice to see you today."

I'm DONE with her.

in our community

Baby dad threatening court….

Me and my children’s dad split at the end of April after 4 years together. We have two young children.

Since separating, contact has been extremely inconsistent. Initially he saw them at my house, but after name-calling, arguments and a history of emotional/domestic abuse and controlling behaviour, I told him he couldn’t come into my home anymore.

Since then, there have only been a handful of occasions where he has actually taken the children out and parented independently. He’s been late collecting them, returned them early and changed arrangements. He had his own home shortly after we split but never took the children there — contact has mainly been at his mum’s or friends’ houses.

He got a new girlfriend very soon after we split and, after around 12 weeks, gave up his own flat and moved into her house. He’s now making a bedroom for the children there and suddenly asking/demanding regular overnights and significantly more contact despite the previous inconsistency.

There are also concerns about his parenting. During the whole 3 years my eldest has been alive, he has essentially never dealt with nappies/poo because he’s openly said he hates doing it. I’ve come home before and found that a child hasn’t been properly cleaned, and I have messages about this.

There is also a history of controlling/threatening behaviour. Since separating, he has threatened to use photos of my house being messy against me. Those photos were from a period when I was struggling with postnatal depression and wasn’t receiving support from him. I also have messages where I’ve asked for financial help with things for the children and he’s refused, including saying he’d rather spend his money on drugs/other things.

My eldest is 3, suspected autistic and has just started nursery. I’m his main carer and neither child has ever stayed overnight away from me, so going from inconsistent contact to suddenly wanting regular overnights feels like a huge change.

I’m also concerned about the people and environment the children would be around during longer contact. His dad has previously driven with us while under the influence of drugs without me knowing at the time. I’ve also witnessed/heard behaviour from him towards my children that I found extremely concerning, including encouraging my 2-year-old to repeat a racial slur.

He has made repeatedly racist comments and has also said on multiple occasions that if either of the children were ever gay, he would disown them.

These aren’t things I’m comfortable ignoring when considering who my children are around, particularly for overnight contact.

More recently, their dad has started sending me very legal-looking messages about contact despite there currently being no court order or solicitors involved. He also turned up for contact with a high-back booster seat with no harness for my 3-year-old, which really concerned me.

I have messages/documentation relating to a lot of the above, so I’m not just going off memory.

I’m genuinely looking for experiences from mums who have been through something similar — particularly where a dad was inconsistent after separation and then suddenly wanted significantly more time/overnights, or where there was a history of domestic abuse/control and concerns about the wider family environment.

if CAFCASS/court/mediation became involved, how were things like inconsistent contact, parenting ability, domestic abuse and concerns about who the children were around taken into account?

I’d really appreciate genuine experiences rather than judgement. ❤️

Baby eating

Hey all. I have an 8 month old son who doesn’t seem to be that interested in eating food other than his formula. Does anyone else have this issue or did? Like he’ll pick up and eat some stuff but most of the time he doesn’t care for it.
Thoughts or suggestions on how to help with this?
Tomato face for answers.

Feeling heartbroken.

So my partner and I have been having issues for a long time and our relationship is not great. Though sometimes we seem quite happy. A few months ago we had a massive argument about him changing his phone password which culminated in me discovering that he doesn't trust me.

We have had arguments a lot and it all comes down to where we live, me not working, me being lazy, me not doing enough around the house, me not driving etc

So I have long felt like a loser, like a failure and like an awful daughter, sister, friend, partner and mum.

This morning, my partner asked me for help giving our kiddo his meds (recent minor surgery), so I did. Our kiddo was struggling and refusing to swallow so it spilled on my hand. In my exhaustion (brought on by my own actions) I raized my voice and slammed my hand on the sink.

Tried the medicine again, sane thing.

My partner then yelled at me to fucking go to bed and he would do it and that I was shoving the syringe in his mouth and hurting him. I said I was not, I was doing it how we had been but that of course he thinks I am hurting our kid, he always thinks that.

Our kiddo was upset and saying sorry and told kiddo it was ok and he didn't need to say sorry, he didn't do anything wrong.

My partner then blamed me for our kiddo saying sorry all the time.

I snapped thatnof course everything is my fault.

Then went bacj to bed.

I am devestated and have no idea where to go from here.

AITA

I need an outside view as I don’t have anyone to speak to.

We (husband and myself) lost our cat a month ago due to a clot he was 5. And we lost our other due to cancer in February

At the start of the year we had two cats and two dogs. The dogs had always been my husband. Not as in responsibility just that they’d be all over him when he was home. That’s great it suited me as I have 3 children to care for also. The cats were more me. Again not responsibility just they’d come to me to settle down with for kisses or fuss. We took turns feeding whoever was about at the time of needing.

Anyway. It’s been a month I now have no cats I’d been grieving and finally plucked up the courage to say I think I want one. Explained how the dogs were more him and now I have nothing. He so I thought got it and said he’d support me in whatever I wanted to do. I explained I didn’t want to force a new cat on him if he wasn’t ready. I got it i understood. He said if it was what I wanted he’d stand by that. I’ve mulled it over a few days kept asking his opinion I honestly didn’t want this to become a thing to upset anyone. Same response.

This morning I found a couple of kittens near by, went and visited and narrowed it down to two. I knew the girl by off chance and said I would let her know by the end of the day. I went home showed my husband he said I needed to choose which one and he went off to the shop to buy what we needed for her.

This bit matters. I went to visit at 12. WE decided at 1.30 he went shop at this time I fetched her at 2.30. At 3.30 he said she still needed somethings so went back to another few shops. Brought her a new bed bowls ect. While he was gone my son told me that my husband had been in the phone to his parents saying I emotional guilt tripped him into having a cat. He wasn’t ready for. And that I don’t give the dogs enough attention which isn’t fair.

Now I feel like shit and I’m struggling to attach myself to this kitten I can’t even name her because I feel I’ve done something wrong. I get up every morning and feed water the dogs and let them out and clean up after them everyday and I book appointments and give them medication the only thing I don’t do is bath them. I can’t speak to my husband about it because he will then take it out on my son because he told me everything and I don’t want that.

Was I wrong for bringing in this kitten??

Have you ever had to punch a pillow or throw something out of frustration from your children (but not in their presence)

I mean like taken yourself away to another room to get your anger and frustration out because of them?

Rant

I have no friends atm so just wanted to say this on here so I can get it off my chest. Our baby is 11 weeks and since he was born via emergency c section I have only attended appointments, immediate family houses and the occasional grocery shop trip where I pretty much wear joggers/trousers and a top with my hair in a messy bun. We had plans to see my husband’s friends and I wanted to get ready a little, straighten my hair and put a little makeup on. My husband asked why I needed to get ready as it was going to rain anyway and my hair would get ruined, and that I was taking too long and we needed to leave, not that he told me what time were leaving. I also have a baby to get ready. I got upset and said that I just wanted to get ready a little so I could feel somewhat normal and I got emotional as postpartum hasn’t been the easiest.

He then proceeded to yell at me asking me why i’m always crying, I said I just wanted to feel a little good about myself. Not sure why but he’s been really difficult with me since the baby was born, initially he helped with the night feeds but not for weeks now as i’m exclusively BF sp he gets to sleep well all night so I don’t think its because he’s agitated.

It really bothers me that men don’t know enough about postpartum and what we go through, the hormones and emotions that come with it. Am I overthinking it or am I in my right to get upset about this?