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Christian Mamas

Scared

I just found out I’m pregnant with my second child. My son is currently 20 months old. I’ve really thought I was one and done. So much so I was starting to think about giving away the baby things I have kept.

I quit my job at the beginning of the year to help my husband in real estate, and also watch our son. Financially we are doing okay, but I’m not used to being an entrepreneur and living on commission based income. It can be truly great, but it can also be hard. Last year my husband did amazing, but this year since I quit things have slowed down and it gets to me. I get very stressed. I used to carry the health insurance, and now it’s a large added cost out of pocket. Overall we are doing okay, but I can’t help but stress over money. I’ve always been a worker, and had a high paying career, but with highly demanding hours so I knew leaving was the right thing to do. I knew in the long run I’d regret not quitting and missing time with my son. That said, I felt like I had to hold on for a few years until my son was in school and go from there. Either stay in real estate or go back to my job. It’s hard now to even find the time to balance both, mom and real estate. I know with two it will be so much more challenging.

My son is an incredible boy. He is adventurous, a doer, and loves to be on the go. I fear that having a second will be extremely challenging with how much energy he demands on a day to day. I also had a very hard time post partum with PPD,PPA, and rage. I have so much fear of going through it all again. My son was not a great sleeper at first, and now sleeps through the night. I’m so scared of re-living that again.

Overall my mind is just racing. I keep asking God what is his plan. Why now, how can I find the strength to do it all. I need prayers. I pray I find guidance, and strength to rise up to what I know is already incredibly difficult, and will now be even more twice fold.