Deal with something a non mom friend said.
Okay so I'm gonna try and make this a really long story short... So back in October last year, my best friends auntie died, now she wasn't close with her auntie like they hadn't spoken in 10 years her mom and her auntie had a massive fight and just never made up. She was obviously upset as you would be because now she'll never get a chance to get to know her. But at the same time all this was happening it was coming up to a weekend I had planned for another friend to cheer her up... Her husband asked for a divorce 5 days before her birthday in June after being together 12 years married for 2. But because we are all adults and have work and normal lives it took months for us to find a date that worked for everyone to go out do drinks and just a really fun night out to cheer her up!
The 1st friend came to this (I told her she didn't have to if she didn't feel up to it but also I thought it would hopefully help her take her mind of things).
Anyway night went on lost of drinking lots of other drama but basically I had the friend who was getting a divorce crying on the bathroom floor because of everything and while I'm trying to deal with that I have the friend who's auntie died come and try and talk to me. I told her that as soon and I get friend 2 sorted I'd sit and talk with her. Friends 2 dad was on the way to come pick her up so it wouldn't be long.
I get back to the table we were all at and out of no where friend 1 lays in to me about how I haven't been a good friend and I haven't been there for her (because I didn't go down and see her last minute when another mutual friend of ours was the day before even though I wasn't even in the house I was out and busy) and that I always do this and (the part I still think about and still gets to me) 'i use my daughter as an excuse'.
Apparently friend 1 and our mutual friend have felt like this for a while but never said anything, I got to speak with the mutual friend and we are all good we talked it out and all is great with us.
I never got to speak to friend 1 because the day after all this happened we found out my mom had cancer and friend 1 wasn't in a good place either with her auntie so I wanted to wait until all of that had passed, then she had the stress of buying a house with her boyfriend and there has always been something that has just not made it a good time but I still think about it and I dont know how to just let it go!
Like she now has a 8 month old puppy so is starting to understand the not having time for anything! But it just really got to me the 'i use my child as an excuse' when she has no bloody idea how hard it is and probably won't either because her partner is a teach so he's home in the evenings and weekends when my husband is a chef so works evenings and weekends so I don't get the extra helps then.
But am I over reacting and should I just let it go or is this something that would annoy you as well?
I know I said I'd make it long story short but that's as short as I can make it with context that is needed.....
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You’re not overreacting. But it might be better to let it go because you’re right, she doesn’t understand and probably won’t until she has her own. Maybe she never will since her situation will be different but maybe when she’s a mother herself that will bridge the gap. Some friendships change and grow apart because of these differences and some grow stronger. Either way best to let it go. It was just a friend grieving who was lashing out because she didn’t have it in her to be understanding. It doesn’t make it right. Hopefully one day she realizes that and can apologize, just like I know you must be sorry that you couldn’t be there for her the way she needed, not for lack of trying. Maybe it might help for you to communicate how much that hurt you.
I can honestly see why that’s stuck with you ❤️ I think it’s the “I use my daughter as an excuse” comment that would really get to me too. That’s such a horrible thing to hear, especially when you’re already doing your best to juggle being a mum and everything else going on.
And from what you’ve said, you weren’t even ignoring her that night. You were dealing with another friend who was really upset and had told her you’d come and talk to her once you’d sorted things out.
I do think she was grieving and had been drinking, so maybe she was speaking from a very emotional place, but that doesn’t mean the comment can’t have hurt you.
If you’re still friends and it’s genuinely playing on your mind this much, I’d probably just talk to her about it. Not in a big confrontation, just explain that what she said stuck with you and why. ❤️
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