Is this fair or am I being emotional?
My son is a week and five days old, and I suggested that my boyfriend sleeps in the living room Sunday through Thursday because he works 12–14 hour days. On Friday and Saturday nights, he sleeps in the room with me to help, but honestly, he barely gets up for bottles or diaper changes. Most of the time, he just wakes up to keep me company, and sometimes when he does get up to get a bottle, he ends up falling asleep on the couch waiting for the bottle to finish warming up.
I know he works really hard and I’m genuinely grateful that he works so much so I can stay home with our son, and I don’t want him to feel like I don’t appreciate everything he does for us. At the same time, I’m exhausted and I feel like I need more actual help with the baby, not just company. I feel guilty even bringing it up because I know he’s tired too, but I’m also recovering and with a newborn and episiotomy stitches and I feel like I’m on the clock 24/7. Is it fair for me to ask him to sleep in the room and help even though he works or to just help more when he’s home or am I being too emotional about it? I’d really like to hear what other moms think. I also have a 17 week old puppy to take care of on top of everything 😓
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No that’s not fair. My boyfriend works and still comes home and goes on baby duty. My baby is almost 4 weeks old and I just now have nights figured out with pumping and the baby sleeps longer stretches. I’m still exhausted and if I wake him up he will help. The first 2.5 weeks he was up every time I was. It’s not unreasonable and if he can’t help you need someone who maybe can come spend the night for a week just to help or come during the day
You probably will take on more of the baby care since you’re home, but being “more available” doesn’t make the baby solely your responsibility. You’re also recovering and essentially on call 24/7.
He doesn’t need to do every nighttime feeding or diaper change, but you could agree on a shift, like 3–5 AM, where he handles feeding, diapering, burping and soothing so you get uninterrupted sleep. And with a 17-week-old puppy, I’d definitely have him take over a set number of potty trips when he’s home. You can appreciate how hard he works while still needing him to parent when he’s home. ❤️
You should still talk to him about it. If you present it the same way you wrote this, there is no reason why he should get upset about it. It’s really tiring to wake up all the time, and you’re nice enough to give him his nights while he’s working. Keeping it for yourself will bring you resentment towards him
He may not know how to help also. I would talk to him and be clear on what you need help with. 💜
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