Questioning if I even want this anymore

Yes we felt the same, I am usually so quick to give up when things don't go my way.
I now have an ivf daughter and another ivf baby on the way, so to me, the sadness and longing has gone away, but it really altered me as a person, I am now much more pessimistic and expect other aspects of life to be a struggle too.

We ended up saving up for IVF privately because there always something that needed to be done/changed. Im so glad we did because i am now 32weeks pregnant and i would still be on the waiting list!

I was in the same boat. NHS went absolutely nowhere and I'd pretty much given up entirely. Felt exactly the same as you. I'm the end we managed to save enough to get it done privately and it has been so so fast. Payment plans are available too. If you're able to and you think you still want it, try getting it done by a private clinic instead of the NHS.

IVF will consume you. It’s a very draining experience regardless of the outcome , and changes so much mentally /physically more ways than one. It takes a lot of courage to say no more and knowing when to stop.

I started both NHS and private simultaneously in 2023. Got all the tests , counselling ,scans etc done privately and when my NHS appointments came through 4.5 months later, from appointment to egg collection it took me 2 months as all investigations were done privately .
To make the whole waiting game , and uncertainty , heart break more bearable ( not that it will ever get easy), my partner and I gave ourselves a deadline for how long we will go through it all- that way when we reached that deadline we knew we gave it our all.
Even when you do have your NHS appointment , there’s still a lot of waiting to do . You won’t get the time back, like others have said, private is an option with various affordable payment packages . All the best .