Ferber method

How old is he ?

How cruel is this method for a 4 month old baby please...

I ferberized both of my babies around 5/6 months. 4 months is technically the earliest, but it’s generally not recommended to do any sleep training during regressions, illness, or when big family changes are happening. I did a gentle version of Ferber in that my intervals for pop ins were shorter (5 min, 10 min, 15 min) and my rule was that my baby would never go more than 45 minutes of crying before we abandoned it as a method. I also picked them up briefly every time I did a pop in. Both kids were sleep trained in 3 nights. Both are older now and show zero signs of insecure attachment and are great sleepers.

It's not recommended for a 4 month old because their circadian rhythm and sleep cycles are still maturing through the 4 month sleep regression

I suppose I did a modified method around 5 months old with my son? I sat in a chair in his room; and anytime he fussed I would go over and kiss him and say I love you but not pick him up unless he was hysterical (he never really was!).. eventually we moved further and further away from the crib until we could just put him into his crib awake and he’d fall asleep on his own. The whole thing took maybe 3 weeks? .. he’s two now and independently sleeps like a champ. Through every regression we’ve just maintained the same routine and the regressions never last long!

Before trying the Ferber method, I'd recommend reading a study by Middlemiss published in Early Human Development.

The researchers measured cortisol in babies and their mothers during cry-it-out sleep training. They found that by the third day, the babies had stopped crying, but their cortisol levels remained elevated, while their mothers' cortisol levels had decreased.

What I find particularly concerning is that a baby stopping crying doesn't necessarily mean they're no longer stressed. It may simply mean they've stopped expressing that distress. They are resignated.

Of course, this was a small study (25 babies), and it doesn't prove long-term harm. But I think it's worth considering before choosing this approach.


https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21945361/

That baby spent 9 months in your belly. Expecting it to sleep alone in a bed by itself without wanting held in my opinion isnt reasonable. Yes, it's terribly inconvenient that baby wants to sleep only on you, but I urge you to sit and hold that baby. They grow fast and you don't get this time back. Work will wait. Your baby still needs you.